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YourDad_
YourDad_Lv42mth
2024-11-08 01:10

Good writing for a beginner [img=Smitten][img=Smitten]

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GlN
GlNLv2
EternalEden
EternalEdenLv13

I'll start off by saying this story is pretty good and does focus a bit more on me actual brutality that a ninja world would have. A lot of the time the action and tactics are pretty solid that are easily better than half the other Naruto stories here. However, there is a rather noticeable problem with the main character. They are considered "smart", coming up with clever ideas. And to some extent that is true, they do have their moments. However, their actions are completely contradictory to their goals. The MC wants to avoid death and many brutal battles, ensuring his safety. And how does he go about doing that? By killing powerful ninjas, drastically standing out, and increasing his reputation, trying to seem like a genius. Predictably, this fails to ensure his safety, as NOW he's been promoted to a Chunin and isn't allowed to go back to the Leaf Village in war time. Who could've guessed that making people believe you're a genius, as well as killing a Jonin and announcing it to everyone would've done that... What the MC wants and what the author wants are the exact opposite. This is why despite being "smart" he makes obvious mistakes that take him further and further away from his goal. His foolishness has even caught the attention of Root. Where he showed off by reciting their hidden creed to them. Expecting them to believe that he just came up with it. He has been threatened with torture and having his mind read on more than one occasion. Again, the author and the MC are not in sync and that makes the story feel dysfunctional.

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