Mr_O_Lv27mth

2024-09-14 21:51

First of all, I want to congratulate you. You’ve managed to create an atmosphere full of intense emotions, and that’s one of the strongest points of your story. Luciana is very well-developed in terms of her pain and inner conflicts, and the dialogue flows naturally, which adds realism to the scenes. Also, the plot of betrayal and secrets is quite intriguing and keeps the reader hooked. However, there are a few details you could refine to improve the flow. I noticed that in some parts, you switch between present and past tense, which can confuse the reader a bit. Also, while the emotions are well captured, there are moments where more detailed descriptions of the setting or actions are missing, which would help immerse the reader even more in the story. Lastly, in some moments of high tension, like Luciana’s confrontation with Jennifer and Richard, you could delve deeper into what she’s feeling in that moment to make the impact even stronger. In summary, the story has a lot of potential, and with some adjustments in narrative consistency and descriptions, you could take it to another level. 👌

Lurking Secrets Of A Billionaire

Emmy_Nengia

4.0

89 Chs