Review Detail of Mikaza in The Broken Veil [Percy Jackson Story]

Wow a 5 star review from the author, what a surprise! Honest, so far with being 3 real chapters in at 5 more planned I think this fanfic so far is about 4. Mainly because of update stability as I have work and also taking summer classes for college so its a little iffy. Please note about the bee movie script, it is there purely for word count and will be removed once I pass 15k words written myself. I just want to know what you guys think and where I could improve in my writing