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GeneralDeFartos_LLv43mth
2024-11-09 12:03

I couldn't even finish the first chapter. What's with the flowery words and use of descriptive words? I couldn't even focus on what's happening, the words just make me cringe and the problem is that some of the paragraphs make no sense. Learn to be a writer instead of a poet and then continue writing.

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KIBOLv13

SheyonLv14

I was expecting an exciting story from the title but, i get dissapointed by how the story goes. First the story is a mess. There is some incosistency in the story here and there. There are some small and big incosistency. The little incosistency is like in the first chapter author forgot MC is running away and suddenly he was inside his house. MC character also a little weird. MC said he knows all the nook and cranny of the novel but he was monologuing like a clueless person. I knew author want to make him like acting so other people didn't suspect him but, as the reader we don't need that. MC said Samael dead in chapter 2, but the start of the story in which novel he transmigrated into is weird. Like if i remember it right he said story start when protagonist go with some expidition team to dungeon. but dozen of chapter later he said it was just about to start. The plot of his father kidnapping his wife is also weird. just so you know at the end of the day MC goes cronfront his own father. What the use of kidnapping someone if you just need to call them and in the end they will came. The character emotion development also a little rushed. They just suddenly has fellings, like MC who suddenly accept his new family where before he just get betrayed by his friend. and how some character suddenly love him. If author just make it a novel with reincarntion story in the fantasy world. It didn't need to be on a novel (which will fixed some confution when reading it). Just make him a guy who got a seccond chance to live a new life with some system. As far as the story go it felt that way. be didn't felt like a mob character. More like some dude who got reincarnated.

ElemiseLv1

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