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constantine15
constantine15Lv411mth
2024-05-10 00:59

the idea isn't bad, the writing is alright the story development is meh it isn't really interesting but at least the mc has taken the first step toward accepting who he is. though that idea of mc splitting himself from Yagura isn't something that I would do it seems like a bad plot. as for the romance it is meh. Firstly romance isn't fitted for anime like One Piece Dragon Ball naruto etc because that isn't the focus instead makes the story bad and distorts the flow. Also, you could go for a female character that already exists instead of making an oc these were all the reasons I gave the story development such a low rating. as for the character design, it is understandable you haven't described even once one character. That's all I had to say, if you want to know what could be done better that's easy. Continue writing and not only will you improve but you will learn from your mistakes through trial and error. that's why I gave it a 3 out of 5 I could be harsher with my words but that's not the point.

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Tim_Saian
Tim_SaianAuthor

Ahh, these aren't harsh words at all! But I think I should clarify that I am NOT going for romance. As of the 70th chapter there hasn't even been a single kiss on the cheek hahahah. I would speak on other matters but I think it's best to let the story speak for itself, thanks for reading and leaving a review ^-^

constantine15
constantine15Lv4

I see thanks for the clarification 👍

Tim_Saian:Ahh, these aren't harsh words at all! But I think I should clarify that I am NOT going for romance. As of the 70th chapter there hasn't even been a single kiss on the cheek hahahah. I would speak on other matters but I think it's best to let the story speak for itself, thanks for reading and leaving a review ^-^
AllenCross
AllenCrossLv1

Question: is it even planned for the future? (I hope so). ^_^

Tim_Saian:Ahh, these aren't harsh words at all! But I think I should clarify that I am NOT going for romance. As of the 70th chapter there hasn't even been a single kiss on the cheek hahahah. I would speak on other matters but I think it's best to let the story speak for itself, thanks for reading and leaving a review ^-^
Tim_Saian
Tim_SaianAuthor

Romance? Honestly in most of my outline it's just MC going about fixing problems and power building. There's some implied romance in some backstory but that's way down the line and it's just a backstory. If I see a clear opportunity for natural romance between two characters I'll go for it

AllenCross:Question: is it even planned for the future? (I hope so). ^_^
AllenCross
AllenCrossLv1

I mean, romance is best left out, right?

Tim_Saian:Romance? Honestly in most of my outline it's just MC going about fixing problems and power building. There's some implied romance in some backstory but that's way down the line and it's just a backstory. If I see a clear opportunity for natural romance between two characters I'll go for it
Daoist9zTScb
Daoist9zTScbLv4

Well for romance the only gurls that have appear to have conexion to the MC are Rina, Reina and Mei but from Boruto we now that Yagura has a grandkid and he probably married a karatachi girl.

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Tim_Saian
Tim_SaianAuthor

A shameless 5star as once again I am writing what I can't read anywhere else. I'll use this opportunity to describe in some detail what curious readers can expect from this fiction. Political Drama with a whole lot of power struggle and a bit of face slapping here and there will be front and center especially after the first 20chapters. An Mc with a split personality that once fused will make him stronger, I don't want to go too much into detail about this plot point but when reading you'll notice I refer to the Mc both as Yagura and Jason up until a chapter that has yet to be uploaded. A slow but split progression. I don't expect this to be a spoiler but Mc will end up becoming Mizukage and as the story is set 13-16yrs before the start of the OG series Kages are not active combatants and rarely leave the village. As such Mc will see limited opportunity to display his skills but rest assured, I've made it so that action is not left behind. Multiple OCs. Don't panic, these OCs are here to fill in and enrich the rather mysterious atmosphere of the setting; Kirigakure. The story will be affected by their actions and they will help move the plot when its getting slow. Multiple POVs. Like I said, Mc becomes Mizukage and his orders will need to be carried out someway or another, thus these povs will be necessary to sprinkle some of that combat action, political intrigue and other character developing arcs that will always come full circle but run in the background while Mc goes about running a village. You'll get povs from known characters like Mei, Genma, Danzo, Minato and more including OCs. There will be extremely limited opportunity for romance/smut. Even as I write this there hasn't truly been a romantic chapter or a smut chapter. If there happens to be one in the future understand that it exists to further the plot or character development. Expansion of the timeline. What I mean by this is that MC as Mizukage 13yrs prior to start of Naruto timeline will have to essentially Kingdom Build Kirigakure, we don't know much of what the actual Yagura was doing during his reign asides being ruthless and so I'll try to fill a lot of that in with Mc's attempts to pre-empt the akatsuki and such, but that will not be his only duty or responsibility as Kage. As you read you'll come to see that being is some true busy work as I attempt to give some context to the constant paperwork we often see Kages working with. Strong to Stronger. Mc by being split personality has access to meta knowledge as well as Yagura's already garnered Kage-level skills. There will come a time for his training arc amongst all his busy work as Mizukage. He will attempt to get strong enough to survive characters like Obito as the synopsis eludes to but also match up to his fellow Kages during the timeline(Ay, Ohnoki, Minato/Hiruzen and Rasa) and lets not forget Pein either. I think this is all I can all myself to say for now, I hope you enjoy the story, leave a review and engage actively. Thank you!

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