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Laziest_Pillow
Laziest_PillowLv28mth
2024-04-01 12:54

It seems like an interesting start. I liked some of the nerd stuff at the beginning like the mention of how much data was in the cafe, and how little the MC starts with in the matter of stats. The writing is cohesive and has a nice flow, you won't get lost through it and can understand the scenes quite easily, with no need to scroll up and down to understand a sentence or a passage. Overall, a nice start for the novel.

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Sabaroth_zarkiel
Sabaroth_zarkielLv4

Is there seggs and harem in your Sar killer eclipse novel?

Other Reviews
Felthat
FelthatLv15

I don't have any issues with the quality of the writing, or even the basics of the character design. The parts I have an issue with are character development, pacing, and weirdly enough, lack of exposition (which impacts the pacing issue). There is a noticeable lack of atmospheric elements that makes the story pacing feel too fast, like you're reading a bunch of "and then" bullet points. I am at chapter 28 and it has been a year or so in the story and we have moved past the introductory arc and into a school arc. We don't really have a good description or feel for the world he is in, his past life, the kingdom he lives in, or even the city he is supposed to be in control of and the people he is supposed to rule. There are no side conversations by onlookers, street encounters, sales clerks, servants. Characters are introduced out of nowhere with a name and a single action and that's it. the MC summons characters from random places and they just come, and then become background. No real explanation or feel for why they decided to accept, or feel for the personality. It makes the introduction of new characters jarring and feel random. One other thing bugs me, it keeps mentioning the game is in Beta and already has a Beta update. Where are the players? what are the devs doing? what about his friends and past self, since he seems to have gone back in time? Also, as a useful tool but not a necessity, character/attribute screens would be a nice way to get to know the capabilities of the characters. for example the shadow carbuncle teleported that swordsman guy to a mountain out of the city, but the only named skill we have seen from it is "veil of night" which puts up a globe of darkness.

ExQuartz_Roachina
ExQuartz_RoachinaLv4
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