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Kobus_Liebenberg_4211
Kobus_Liebenberg_4211Lv145mth
2024-07-30 21:24

Honestly it’s very rushed The characters don’t really have a personality and they story is jumping from point to point There isn’t any emotions connected to the characters and just because you mention there worried doesn’t make it feel like there worried The way the story is built isn’t very well

Sword of Atonement: The Transmigrated Yuuto Kiba

Taidanotsumi
Not enough ratings
18 Chs

Liked by 4 people

LIKE
Replies4
Taidanotsumi
TaidanotsumiAuthor

Then what should i do?

5mth
Kobus_Liebenberg_4211
Kobus_Liebenberg_4211Lv14

Look at what you do every day and write it down Your focusing on the main points to much Like a person walking through a park you can describe how you do it and how the noise makes you feel and how the environment affects you or how you effect the environment When you talk to someone your close to you’re usually not direct you ask other stuff like how there doing or something they did or haven’t done

Taidanotsumi:Then what should i do?
5mth
Taidanotsumi
TaidanotsumiAuthor

So, basically my past writing style. Looks like I have to find balance with it right? This gonna be hard, but I'm gonna try

Kobus_Liebenberg_4211:Look at what you do every day and write it down Your focusing on the main points to much Like a person walking through a park you can describe how you do it and how the noise makes you feel and how the environment affects you or how you effect the environment When you talk to someone your close to you’re usually not direct you ask other stuff like how there doing or something they did or haven’t done
5mth
Kobus_Liebenberg_4211
Kobus_Liebenberg_4211Lv14

Try reading HP:The Arcane Thief it should be a good example It’s on this platform so you don’t have to look hard

Taidanotsumi:So, basically my past writing style. Looks like I have to find balance with it right? This gonna be hard, but I'm gonna try
5mth
Other Reviews
mashedpotato37
mashedpotato37Lv14

I'm just gonna say this , its too rushed , there's no single character development. it's like the whole plot is just to be streamlined and everything the mc does people just accept it. I get you are trying to incorporate concepts from your other books (which are nice by the way), but it just feels as if he's a Gary sue , much more than a Gary sue. and even tho grayfia said that his potential is mediocre, what he's been doing so far shows too much potential. Hell, he was starting to look like a Chinese young master with the way everyone and everything goes right for him, also with the needless bragging and posturing or even the need to show of or just so spontaneously decide to do something that's not the norm. I don't know if he's changed from where I stopped at the devil's hunter chapter and I'm not trying to be mean or dissuade you, I just hope that you'll accept my constructive criticism and I hope it'll help in bettering your work.

5mth

Wolf5161
Wolf5161Lv1

Good 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

10mth
Abomb
AbombLv4

Okay, Love the pacing and direction it's going at right now, having a story revolve around Kiba is a nice change of pace and I'm very interested in seeing where you go with this. My only gripe about this is that you sometimes repeat yourself or say the same sentence twice. Example: "Before we start, do you know what Demonic Power is based on?" Grayfia asked. "Yes, it's based on Demonic Power," Kiba answered. You just repeated the same word here. Nothing was cleared up or explained through this interaction for the readers. Other than that, I'm loving the story and wish to see more chapters in the future

5mth
DaviToledo
DaviToledoLv13

thanks for writing this work of art author-san, but i need more this,plssss.

5mth
Anmol_Shrestha_7840
Anmol_Shrestha_7840Lv3

Its really entertaining and good hope you dont drop it author .........................................................................................

6mth
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