The concept is ultimately interesting, sadly the author fails to evolve it.
One of the bad points is the scripted style, that is the worst thing you can do if you want someone to really feel immersed in your narrative, using, MC: Hello. Just feels soulless, You remove all personality by stopping narrating your story to give more attention to mere dialogue.
Another thing that I don't like is the development of the story, you can't develop the story by having the characters explain everything, for example: in chapter 5 a secondary character talks to who is supposed to be the MC's cousin "Ah, you talk about your cousin who is such a person, who achieved certain things and who did it at this moment", which I understand is a resource for the reader to know what happened in the plot, for me that is a problem, the story has to offer a development, not a character in a single dialogue. I hope the author is able to change these aspects so that, in my opinion, the story improves. Good luck.
