The story isn't bad, but your description of events are lacking overall and coupled with the constant change in characters perspectives result in a pretty confusing narrative, to make it even worse you hate following a linear timeline and sometimes use it unnacessarily just because you clearly like doing so. Overall those are comum "mistakes" among new writers and you'll iron then out with experience, just be mindfull of it when writing AND reading so you can improve your craft by observing and comparing where your story fails and where someone else's story work as intended. Anyway, hope to see more works from you in the future ✌✌
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This hit me while reading Jujutsu Reincarnator - Ten Shadows. I get what you mean by reading and learning from other works. Thank you for the review.
