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Laziest_Pillow
Laziest_PillowLv21yr
2023-11-05 06:58

Interesting story. The beginning is the highest point to me, including the prologue. Adam's struggles and daily woes are interesting, the way you have portrayed him a marvelous, the problems, and his reactions. Although I dislike the second personality thing, I think Adam would've been better as a character if those murderous tendencies were part of his "main self" rather than a separate personality. The system is not intrusive nor appears too much giving a cool balance and natural flow to the story, instead of, you know how most system stories go. While not bad per se, the new world/cultivation part is not that interesting compared to Adam's life on Earth, but this may be because of how early the story is right now. There are no pacing problems and you made Adam, and his master, compelling characters, especially his master in my opinion. These old sages always are cool in any story they appear. Your writing is good and your narrative is well played, there isn't much to criticize or speak about it. Overall a story with a good start.

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Snorlax777
Snorlax777Lv13
ExQuartz_Roachina
ExQuartz_RoachinaLv4
Amesaya
AmesayaLv11

I never expected to encounter a story that feels like a mix of Moonknight and Chinese Cultivation stories but here we are. The story is hard to follow sometimes, as it's so fast-paced it sometimes just doesn't have time to describe things that are happening in a way that it perhaps should. Also, particularly in the early chapters, the POV shifts around quickly and include an omniscient reader's viewpoint at times. However, while it can be easy to get lost in the prose sometimes, it is a high energy and fast-paced story that is really only possible to get bored reading if you just don't care for systems or cultivation. The story has a lighthearted tone even when dealing with things that would otherwise be very gritty or dire, with a casual and humorous tone to both the dialog and descriptions. This includes the violence, which often seems to become intentionally slapstick/over the top to match the tone of cultivation stories. This is still quite early in the story and so it's impossible to say where it's going - the only overarching story we're really introduced to so far is Adam's soulmate struggling for control. At times he functions like an alter, and at times like a persona, which as said gives the story a kind of Moonknight vibe. It's very likely, given the IQ system, there will be elements of Limitless sprinkled in later as the story continues and Adam's IQ increases. It's certainly a different, more western take on the cultivation genre, and worth keeping an eye on to see where it goes.

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