webnovel
empire1
empire1Lv141yr
2023-09-26 02:24

This is a great story but the massive info dumps really distract from the story. I think a good 60% percent of the novel could be deleted with little effect. NOTE to Author - If you want to add all of the additional info maybe highlight the start and end of the section if it doesn't actually have any impact on the story so readers can decide if they want to skip or not. Personally, I almost gave up on the story when reading all the Roman Empire and army info dump// I'm glad I didn't though That said I thought The Gladiator bit was very interesting. So I would really recommend thinking of a way to let the readers decide if they want to read all the background information so as to not put the uninterested ones off what is looking to be a great story

Game of Thrones: Victor Di Natale

marcoo
4.3
94 Chs

Liked by 16 people

LIKE
Replies3
marcoo
marcooAuthor

Thanks for the feedback! I got a little more negative feedback for the first 12-15 chapters than I expected :D I will stop using too much historical information in the future.

1yr
3
hero4hire
hero4hireLv11

tbh, historical facts are not the problem, its how unrelated its to the story, and it makes it feel like I HAVE to learn all those facts to understand the mainstory instead of merging that info along side the story as needed. Also, you need to hook the reader in the early chapter since those make or break a novel but here we have 10 completly unnecessary and cumbersome info dump anyone can look up on wiki.

marcoo:Thanks for the feedback! I got a little more negative feedback for the first 12-15 chapters than I expected :D I will stop using too much historical information in the future.
1yr
11
marcoo
marcooAuthor

Fixed it, but thank you! :)

hero4hire:tbh, historical facts are not the problem, its how unrelated its to the story, and it makes it feel like I HAVE to learn all those facts to understand the mainstory instead of merging that info along side the story as needed. Also, you need to hook the reader in the early chapter since those make or break a novel but here we have 10 completly unnecessary and cumbersome info dump anyone can look up on wiki.
1yr
3
Other Reviews
Pufferdung
PufferdungLv4

This is a good read, but please lessen the information dump

1yr

AllenCross
AllenCrossLv1

This is a typical story about a genius reborn who does great things from infancy. The best thing about this story is the dialogs between the characters and the place where all the events are happening at the moment, usually this place and city is almost unheard of in other stories, this is very good. But the story itself becomes boring as you read, there are no interesting events, no interesting plot twists, no intrigue and many other things we love Game of Thrones for. We read about a merchant/inventor who is described by the author as a genius of "intrigue" and "politics" and all that (from a child, currently 10 years old). The whole story is too characterless, childish, the main character has everything going for him, he gets no resistance in his "life". There is no feeling that the protagonist lives in the Middle Ages, there is no that feeling of dark fantasy that George R. R. Martin offered us. In general, to all those who just want to read about a genius reborn, who from diapers does great things and already from a small age creates a business, where the story is shown as a cartoon for teenagers. I recommend it to you without reservation. For those who want a serious read, look for something else, don't waste your time.

1yr
LordXannie
LordXannieLv11

Its an alright story, and could probably rank in top 10 of all GoT fanfics. However there are several issues that make it hard to read. If you want a decent enough GoT Fanfic to kill time I would suggest it. Pros: Fast updates: 44 chapters in 8 days is pretty fast. Different story line: Its nice to see a different story line from someone related to targaryens, or starks. As well as fact it takes place in a city you barely see in shows/books. Cons: Info Dumps: Most obvious of them is the info dumps, as others have said you should add them as auxiliary chapters, they end up ruining any immersion and make you want to skip through. Reached chapter 15 and I think only 3 chapters so far have been not info dumps. Then you get into chapters that are not info dumps chapters, and you find more info dumps. Chapter 15 alone was like 6-7 paragraphs explaining what the dothraki were, which could easily be explained in 1-2 paragraphs. Grammar: The grammar is alright for most of it ,but there are quite a few mispellings, and other grammar issues in each chapters. While not a big deal, it still causes you to lose immersion when a name is spelled one way and then not spelled right the next.

1yr
dukroger
dukrogerLv6

It's not a bad story, but the author dumps a lot of information that could simply be placed in auxiliary chapters.But I recommend reading in general, the author shows potential for growth.

1yr
EVIDBESCUS
EVIDBESCUSLv1

Keep the good work going ❤️ I always like a situation whereby the author is carrying the readers along ❤️ what a great story 🤜🏽🤛🏽

1yr
Newnoob
NewnoobLv4

Love the story. It has potential. Although I would like the progress to pick up a moderate pace but anyways we can't always have what we can't, overall it's a good read. Hope author doesn't drop and continue updating it

1yr
Patrick_Daxauer
Patrick_DaxauerLv10

Wirklich eine meiner absoluten lieblings Fanfictions.... Ich glaube das ist der einzige Roman bei dem ich daraufhin fieber, dass ein neues Kapitel erscheint. SG aus Österreich und viel Glück fürs zukünftige Schrieben PS: Die ganze Kritik bezüglich Info-Dumbing ist veraltet, da der Autor dies bereits überarbeitet hat.

1yr
Wangfire
WangfireLv4

this story has some pros and cons. The pros are it has good writing quality, especially for a webnovel fic being written by a non-native. you wont lose brain cells reading. now onto the cons. the fanfic is highly unrealistic with a child doing and having influence they shouldn't and no one finds this strange. if you are like me, you would have been attracted to the mc being a chemist, but the MC barely uses his chemistry knowledge at all. with what little that is used is not hyped up enough. and finally, the last con is the god awful filler! the filler itself isnt the issue entirely, the author is unable to organically introduce the original worldbuilding into the story. instead it is more like a wiki of character and world descriptions. there is little character or realism injected into the story. so all in all, if you like a story with good worldbuilding that follows the timeline of asoiaf along with realism, then dont expect too much when reading. this story has a great concept with good grammar but subpar execution.

10mth
Ely_Konsoss
Ely_KonsossLv14

One of the best story so far for my ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

1yr
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