Review Detail of UnKnownEntity001 in Harry Potter: The New Dark Lord Shelby
Review detail
It’s a great fic. The thing that needs the most work is the authors word usage. Not sure if English is the authors first language or not but most of the dialogue is awkward. I’m currently at chapter 27, we’ll see if it get better. The updates seem to be coming fast so that’s great. One thing I didn’t like is the mc throwing around his family name like that’s supposed to mean something in the magical world, it pretty much makes him seem like a muggleborn Draco. Hopefully that doesn’t continue. He needs some accomplishments, maybe some potions very seen before or something, before his name will mean anything to anyone. If he makes a name for himself, not just at hogwarts but in the magical world, then people with know not to mess with the Shelby’s. But at this point no one would care about his threats of his family.
Harry Potter: The New Dark Lord Shelby
Kitty_Loves_Milk
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I’ve continued reading to about chapter 52. But I’m going to have to stop here for now. The fic has tons of potential that is ruined by a few thing. Firstly the dialogue is absolutely terrible. It breaks the immersion of the fic every time a character says something. Secondly, the author falls into the trap of time relevance, like so many others. About 60,000 words in and still only in October of the first years. You have to make sure your story moves at a realistic pace. Even at hogwarts daily student life wouldn’t be filled with adventures every single day, usually it would be going to class, learning a spell, eating and sleeping. So for the story to be moving this slowly is a huge red flag that the author is going to try dragging it out for thousands of chapters. Which instantly drops this from a 4.5 stars to 3 stars at best. I’m not sure if the author has a beta but if so get a new one. They aren’t very good lol. Like I said the fic has so much potential. Author I’m not trying to flame or anything, just giving honest criticism. You could write an amazing fic if you fix a few things. If you need a beta/editor let me know, I have no problem helping when I can.