Review Detail of Starkiller_Revan in Marvel: Dimension Shift

bro the love interest hasnt even been introduced💀

I also intentionally made him "edgy af", to make him as unlikeable as possible. This will become relevant later on in the story. At least wait until chapter 50 before making a review; the story literally started 4 weeks ago

The love interest from his original world is mentioned in almost every single chapter… Whether he finds a new one or they reconnect is irelevant, as everything I said about the MC and Selena is still acurate. The MC had a highscool crush, dated her for two days, died while trying to smash, and then constantly mopes about her like they were married for decades or something. It’s just laughable and cringy af, he liked her because shes hot and he had hair flicked in his face. Then he dies and hes all of a sudden madly in love with this girl he barely ever knew?

Go for it. I’m not sure why you’d ever want to make an MC as unlikable as possible, especially in a way that makes absolutely no logical sense, but you do you. As for not reviewing until after 50 chapters? Thats not how it works lol. If your book sucks for the first 49 chapters no one’s gonna just keep reading thinking “Well the beginning sucked, but I’m sure ch 50 is when it’ll get good”, especially considering what is already there barely makes coherent sense as is, they’re just gonna drop it. Reviewing is meant to share the readers thoughts on the books with both the author and other readers, just because it’s not finished yet doesn’t mean people should wait til it’s finished to review lol. Things like character and story development are honestly nearly more important then the overall plot of the story. If people don’t like the MC they have no reason to read, as the story is primarily focused on him. They have to at least be interested enough to read what happens to the MC, but he’s so inconsistent that you can’t even really understand why or even how he can do anything that he does. As for story development, you can’t just throw a series of events together and call it a story. There needs to be some sort of coherence and story being told. As of now what we get is a highscooler is transported to marvel, figures things out, makes a lot of money, is a super genius, kidnaps homeless people so he can experienent on them, etc. which is honestly more of a series of events than an actual coherent story.

your right it does sound irrational, but i only mentioned her thrice

hmm. Well its your opinion and I respect that. As for the story, it doesnt look incoherent to me. He didn't become a "super genius" overnight; in the first few chapters I explained that the body he was in was a bit smarter than his previous one due to the nature of the Marvelverse and how smarter everyone seemed to be than his world. His wealth was gained through investments, i literally explained how he would get it in the first 2 chapters. As for the fast progression, I'm trying to get to The Chitauri Invasion and introduce the MC to the start of the MCU plot. Thats when the real story starts. Everything else was the MC getting ready. Would you rather he spend most of the story figuring himself out? His behaviour is erratic and borderline psycopathic due to his transmigration. He died a literal gruesome death. The only one he can remember is his previous girlfriend, and the first love at that. Of course he's going to latch on that unhealthily. He recognises the dangers of the Marvelverse and does his his best to get stronger. Morality won't help him and he knows that. Remember it took him 2 years before he started. This is the best I can explain to you and if it doesnt satisfy you then thats on u. Thank you for reading so far

I get where you’re coming from and I hope you don’t take any of this the wrong way since I’m really not trying to just hate on your fic or anything like that, but you didn’t really explain any of it very well in the story. Maybe incoherent wasn’t the right word to use, I honestly can’t think of the right word at the moment, but I was mainly referring to how some things just suddenly happen or are introduced out of no where or with no good explanation. When it comes to the MC’s intelligence you just told us he was a genius after a 2 year time skip (ch5), so to us it kinda did just happen overnight and out of no where. We were never told he was studying, experimenting, or anything related to knowledge or intelligence (except in ch4 when the MC says he’s severely lacking scientific knowledge) until after you basically directly tell us that he’s now a genius. If you explained in an earlier chapter that he was in the process of studying we could already know he’s working on becoming more intelligent, but as of now you just give us a time skip and tell us he’s suddenly super smart and that he’s now experimenting to find a method for immortality… Which is a massive leap, he shouldn’t just go from incapable to genius out of no where. We should be seeing the MC grow, not just being told about the moments where he succeeds. For wealth you mentioned the idea of investing, which is great. It’s not necessarily consistent, since just one month after he arrives in the MCU broke he apparently already has $10k to spend on documentation, but using investments to explain making the MC wealthy definitely works. However, you immediately also took that to the extreme of being the richest person in their 20s. The amount of starting funds you’d need to be able to invest to the degree of becoming that wildly successful would already be a fortune, which doesn’t make sense for someone who’s completely broke. If he was just rich enough to where money is not an issue I wouldn’t have brought it up, but becoming the richest person in their 20s in just 2 years off purely investing with 0 starting capital is just physically impossible. When it comes to fast progression, I would absolutely rather have a fully fleshed out story that explains everything than have all the important preparations and changes take place during a time skip and just be told about what happened. If people only wanted to see the MCU events they’d just watch the movies, people read fanfics to see a new take on what they already love. We should be seeing your character gain and grow into their power while they prepare for those events, not just jumping from success to success. There needs to be actual story development and character growth, as of now every time we see the MC after a time skip it seems like we’re meeting a new character due to how inconsistent he is or just how much he has changed since the last time we saw him. If his erratic and psychopathic behavior are supposed to come from him dying, it should have been at least hinted at beforehand. We don’t see any sort of instability or emotional struggle that would lead to him becoming a sadist or psychopath, it also just comes out of no where. I completely understand and even agree with the point that morality won’t help him. However, there’s a big difference between being immoral and just being a sadistic psychopath. In the most recent chapter you literally made the MC murder a couple just sitting in the park on Valentine’s Day for fun… That has absolutely nothing to do with morality not helping him in the MCU or getting stronger. Him taking pleasure in their pain as they slowly die is just sadistic. I could overlook the kidnapping homeless people, because he actually was experimenting with a purpose, but there just wasn’t any kind of reason here. When it comes to the relationship I honestly can’t be bothered to try and count, but it sure seemed like a lot more than just 3 times. Ignoring that though, the main point I was trying to make is that it’s just not a great introduction for a pairing. Him having a childish crush on the popular girl and dating in secret for 2 days is pretty goofy, but the obsession he has for this girl that he hardly ever even knew is just straight up weird and hard to read about. Like the other things I’ve mentioned, if it was just used as a minor plot point to get him into the MCU I wouldn’t say a thing about it because it wouldn’t really matter, but having her in the MCU and having the MC be unhealthily latched onto the idea of her implies that she will be gaining some sort of importance later on in the story, and first impressions are important, hers was awful. I really do like the concept behind the story and I hope you’re able to turn it into something great before it’s finished, but as of now there’s just too many things that are just pulled out of no where for me to be able to enjoy it. I’ll certainly give it another try in the future when it’s had more time to develop as a story, and if it has improved I’ll definitely edit or redo my review. I wish you the best of luck with this fic and any others, but as of now it’s just not for me, so I’ll take my leave.

Facts

Couldn't explain it better myself.

Straight yap session

What exactly did I “yap” about? I literally backed up everything I said with examples from the fic itself to prove my point. I’d love to see you prove me wrong so I’ll be waiting for your response with your own evidence that proves my points were invalid, but I highly doubt you actually can or will even take the time to make an attempt.

id have to disagree author, you cant expect people to read 50 chapter (50k+ words) to post an opinion when most fanfic wont even last that long. I get you're trying to play long game but its not readers problem if you make your starting nigh unreadable. I also agree with alot of what the commenter said, its like you have specific vision for it in your head but when its put into words it became illogial cringfest that only you like and understand.

i like your criticism. i do have a specific vision and have planned most of the story, so what you want for me is to improve my writing style? make it more mature to read? tell me what u want improved and ill do what i can

I do agree with the pointless kill, genius killers sound only do it if there are benefits, while killing pointlessly is not even a benefit it’s a disadvantage because he could be charge with the crime if found out, even if it’s unlikely. Like the out parts