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WoahBuddy
WoahBuddyLv11yr
2023-08-15 11:45

I've read through chapter ten. It's neither great nor bad. It's an average fanfic. I'd say the biggest issue for the author is dialogue (Q&A) and descriptions (environment, characters, expressions, etc.). The author makes the core focus of the story the training, but it's all ambiguous. Some parts of the story should be cut out (filler). It's a decent 3/5. For Naruto fanfics, I recommend "The Outsider's Resolve," "The Blind Swordsman," and "The Gamer Ninja" as references that might help better your own story.

Naruto : Raijin

MorbidCuriosity
Not enough ratings
29 Chs

Liked by 6 people

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Replies2
MorbidCuriosity
MorbidCuriosityAuthor

Thank you I will check them out. Thank you for leaving your thoughts.

1yr
1
Unknown_Bystander_
Unknown_Bystander_Lv4

what I recomend is "naruto: the wind calamity" or "reborn in naruto with a tenseigan" both have slow progression and how more in depth into what it takes to become stronger tho wind calamity goes more into the process while the other is more the upper end of the process after reaching jonin.

1yr
1
Other Reviews
Anthony_Marte
Anthony_MarteLv4

I tried to enjoy it the premise is okay I supposed but the grammar is killing me and I can’t really get immersed also at the beginning he’s put into the body of a child but he can’t pass a entrance exam at the academy??

1yr

MorbidCuriosity
MorbidCuriosityAuthor

This is the author, this is my first time writing and i know its kinda hard to read but as the story progresses i will try make this novel better and improve my writing.

1yr
MorbidCuriosity
MorbidCuriosityAuthor

I have completely overhauled the writing and grammar and if you all who have already read this novel you guys can reread. If you want too. I will update the novel soon give me some time. Fixing grammar on both of my books was a pain.

1yr
Chaddts
ChaddtsLv1

The author is using some kind of a.i to correct his writing. I'm not sure to what extent this is a.i written, but most of the descriptive paragraphs are entirely a.i., i.m.o Also, everything is very vague when it's described. And much of the story is told and not shown. There are other issues as well, pertaining to continuity. For instance he gets a job, and then he gets some tools, and training, from the boss, and then nothing about it is ever mentioned again. The story is also rushed. There is no real character building for his teammates or anyone else. Too much is glossed over as well, and simply not explained. It's very jarring. This needs a lot of work and for the author to reword everything is his own words instead of using the a.i to write.

1yr
MarkinHotties
MarkinHottiesLv13

Its a nice story but like other reviews just needs better grammar to fully function, i suggest putting these chapters on grammarly and it will fix most of these mistakes.

1yr
Jordi_Hardiansyah
Jordi_HardiansyahLv1

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1yr
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