After reading the chapters currently available, while I can't really make a comment about the quality of the plot already, I can try to comment on the other characteristics of the story. First, I'd say the vocabulary and sentence structures are on point, and I can definitely read the attention author-san has put into each of the words: that's the story's strength, but also its weakness: you could say it's somewhat too wordy. Author, if I had one major piece of advice I could give you as a fellow writer, it is not to write your words for the sake of the quality of your sentences but firstly to serve a purpose in the story. A lot of pointless words are added in most sentence, sometimes making them feel heavy to read. The second and last reproach I'd make is to work on the dialogues. They feel somewhat stiff, lacking in realism. Do try to analyze the dialogues of the original series and the dialogues of other written stories to gain some insights. Apart from that, the story is very solid, its quality being miles away from the usual sh*tty webnovel fanfic. Keep up the good work, Author!
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Hello, there I wanted to say thank you for this kind of feedback, it's exactly what I like. I'll try to simplify my sentences and use everyday words to make them easier to read.
Well, you'te welcome! I saw you were very invested in your writing after reading your message at the beginning of your story so I wanted to help.But just one thing, you do not necessarily need to change your vocabulary! By too wordy, I primarily meant some words in your sentences saw no use other than overdescribing the actions of your characters. When writing something, always ask yourself: what does it reveal about my character? What does it reveal about my world? Do I need this word to get the meaning of my sentence across? Every word used must be needed or else it'll just feel too heavy to read. You do not need to use a simpler vocabulary, you only need to take the weed from the chaff and be careful about overdescribing.
mythoast:Hello, there I wanted to say thank you for this kind of feedback, it's exactly what I like. I'll try to simplify my sentences and use everyday words to make them easier to read.
Ohh I see, noted brother. Thanks for the feedback! I'll try to be mindful of what I write on my next chapter!
Fifth_Daoist:Well, you'te welcome! I saw you were very invested in your writing after reading your message at the beginning of your story so I wanted to help.But just one thing, you do not necessarily need to change your vocabulary! By too wordy, I primarily meant some words in your sentences saw no use other than overdescribing the actions of your characters. When writing something, always ask yourself: what does it reveal about my character? What does it reveal about my world? Do I need this word to get the meaning of my sentence across? Every word used must be needed or else it'll just feel too heavy to read. You do not need to use a simpler vocabulary, you only need to take the weed from the chaff and be careful about overdescribing.
