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Chris_Gill
Chris_GillLv159mth
2024-01-25 05:45

Writing Quality and Story development are a 2 as even though grammatically it is decent, writing like a Literature Major who is high and doesn't realize 90% of the story is eloquent fluff that adds very little to the story. It is bad enough it is hard to push past 10 chapters unless the reader loves lon g winded sagas about minute scenes. One note ** Read the synopsis completely first so you actually know their relationship.. I couldn't force myself to see if Isabella and William ever have a meaningful conversation about the situation.

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Dark_Bangali
Dark_BangaliAuthor

Blazzing18
Blazzing18Lv15

I HOPE THE AUTHOR READS THIS!!! I KNOW ITS LONG BUT IT COULD BE A GREAT IDEA FOR UR BOOK SENSE ITS SO NEW U CAN STILL FIT IT IN!! I JUST READ THE DESCRIPTION AND IT LOOKS REALLY REALLY GOOD.... BUT THERE SAID THAT THERE WOULD BE SACRIFICE.... I HOPE THAT U WONT KILL OF ANYONE CLOSE TO THE MC AND HIS DAUGHTER/NIECE AND WHEN THE MC KILLS THE MONSTERS MAKE SURE THAT HE TAKES THEM SO THAT HE CAN GET MONEY FOR THEM AND WHEN HE KILLS THE BAD GUY HAVE HIM TAKE THERE SPECIAL RINGS AND IF HE RAIDS BASES THEN HAVE HIM TAKE EVERYTHING THAT CAN BE USE FULL AND UAVE HIM GO AROUND AFTERWARDS AND SELL THE STUFF HE TOOK TO THE SHOPKEEPSER FOR A LOW PRICE TO HELP THEM AND THEN HAVE HIM GIVE OUT SOME OF THE MONEY HE TOOK TO SOME OF THE GOOD PEOPLE THAT R STRUGGLING THAT HAVE KIDS BUT THEN U SHOULD HAVE HIM OPEN A SHOP AND HAVE IT FILLED WITH STUFF FROM WHERE HE CAME FROM AND HAVE HIM FIND WOMEN ( THE THE ONES HE LIVES TO RUN THE STORE) THAT R CAPABLE OR RUNNING HIS STORE AND MANAGING IT AND EVEN MAYBE EXPANDING IT IN THE FUTURE TO OTHER CITIES THIS WAY HE CAN GIVE THE LIFE HE WANTS TO HIS DAUGHTER/NIECE AND HAVE THE PRICE SO REASONABLE MAYBE A LITTLE HIGHER BUT HAVE THEM BE ABLE TO ATTRACKT THE PEOPLE THAT CANT AFFORD THE THINGS WITH KIDS AND AND WHEN THEY COME IN HAVE HIM SET A RULE THAT IF THEY NOT WELL OFF AND CANT AFFORD WHAT THEY WANT THEN HE WILL GOVE IT TO THEM AT A CHEAPER PRICE AND TELL THEM THEY CAN ALWAYS COME BACK BECAUSE HE WILL MAKE ENOUGH PROFIT TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT BUT WHEN THEY RECOGNIZE SOMEONE THAT MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD THE THINGS THEY TAKE THEM INTO THE BACK AND ASK THEM A COUPLE QUESTIONS AND TELL THEM THEY R NOT IN TROUBLE THEY JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND HAVE THEM ASK IF THE PRICES R TO HIGH FOR THEM AND WHERE DO THEY LIVE IF THEY SAY YES TO THE PRICES BEING TO HIGH AND THAT THEY LIVE IN THE SLUMS OR THEY BARLEY MAKE MONEY TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE AND ASTUFF LIKE THAT OR WHATEVER THERE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE THEN EITHER HAVE HIM/THEM GIVE THE STUFF THEY WANT FOR FREE OR ONLY HAVE THEM PAY ONLY A FEW COPPER IF THE MONEY IS SET UP LIKE THE REST OF THE BOOKS THAT ARE LIKE THIS THIS WAY HE CAN HALP OUT THE PEOPLE IN NEED TO AMD IT LOOKS LIKE THEY R NOT GIVING IT TO THEM FOR FREE SO OTHER PEOPLE WONT COME IN AND SAY THE SAME THING AND TEY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THERE NICENESS AND THEY HAVE TO TELL THE PEOPLE THEY HELP THAT THEY CANT TELL ANYONE OR THEN WONT HELP THEM ANYMORE IF THEM COME INTO THE SHOP BECAUSE THEY CANT GOVE OUT EVERYTHING FOR FREE OR THAT CHEAP OR THEY WILL GO OUT OF BUSINESS! AND THEY CAN HAVE THE SHOP THAT SELLS EVERYTHING TO THE DAILY NECESSITIES TO THE MODERN STUFF THAT HE CAN DRAW UP AND HAVE SOMEONE MAKE LIKE GAMES AND TOOLS AMD OTHER OTHER THINGS THAT THIS WORLD DOESNT HAVE AND THEN WHEN HE GETS HIS WOMEN (THE ONES HE LOVES) THAT WILL RUN THE SHOP HAVE HIM MAKE BRAS AND THINGS THAT CAN HELP THEM LIKE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER AND MAKEUP AND OTHE BEAUTY PRODUCTS THIS WAY EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING THEY LIKE TO BUY OR USE OR WHATEVER AND THIS WAY HIS STORE WILL THRIVE AND CAN MAKE IT SO POPULAR THAT HE CAN PUT IT ALL OVER THE KINGDOM AND THIS WAY HE CAN HAVE A GREAT LIKE FOR HIS FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY HIS DAUGHTER/ NIECE BUT ONLY HAVE HIM OPEN IT AFTER HE FINDS THE FIRST 1OR 2 WOMEN HE LOVES UNLESS THE FIRST WOMEN IS LIKE A SPECIAL MERCHANT THAT GOT THOUGHT BY HE DAD OR FAMILY AND THEY EITHER DIED OR THEY KICKED HER OUT BUT SHE KNOWS THE INS AND OUTS OF THE MERCHANT BUSINESS SO SHE CAN GET CONNECTIONS TO GET SUPPLIES AND HOW TO RUN A STORE AND THEN THEY JUST HIGHER HELPERS AND GO FROM THERE!!

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