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CADMUS
CADMUSLv111yr
2023-07-12 18:59

The characters are fleshed-out in this novel. You can easily gauge out their personalities and get attached to some. The action parts are good too 👌🏻👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻In terms of writing, there's still some room for improvement—particularly in sentence structures. I noticed that some sentences were too long that it could be considered as a paragraph. Like, it's just 1 whole sentence but could actually be broken down into two or three instead. This often happens when the author is describing something—a character, an action, a thing. Rather than a bunch of commas, I suggest using an em dash (—) or parenthesis if there's an added thought/phrase in a complete sentence. However, props to the author for putting in the effort of describing, not only the mc, but all the other characters' features & surroundings. This makes me, as a reader, more invested in the story since I can imagine them better.👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻Also, I think it would be better if you break down the paragraphs a bit more for ease of reading. Some paragraphs are "too big-looking" on a phone. This may make some readers get overwhelmed and in turn, get lazy to read. Nonetheless, this novel still has a lot of potential and would recommend readers to give it a try 😁👌🏻

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Emmanuelboss36_
Emmanuelboss36_Author

Thank you so much for advice 🙏🏾

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