webnovel
Hanni_Baal
Hanni_BaalLv41yr
2023-05-15 06:06

Ok, constructive criticism, I have every intention of being a good person so don't be discouraged, author. The idea is great, but you need a bit of editing; You run through the scenarios, preventing us from relating to the character, much less generating empathy, I know that we have all gone through the beginning of Dark Souls several times, but you still have to develop it, give it the MC's perspective, take advantage of the fact that it is a little bit repetitive for us and make some flashbacks, let us understand who is the MC, or things like that... You also have to improve the narrative and the talking, in general and the combats in particular, those are the focus in DS so it's important, I mean, those are not immersive or anxiety-producing, it feels like you just want to skip the boring parts to get to where you are interested, this is not a career, the story slowly unfolds. In short, don't create dumb drama, this story has potential, do not rush, the writing improves with effort and time, let it flow, imagine yourself in the position of the MC, give details to the world, do some research of crossbows, for example, and show a short version to us, also add more details to personal relationships and do not get discouraged because you are not that good yet, good things come with time, give it some to you and your book to grow. In my personal oppinion, and I know no one ask for it, rewrite, do it better, enjoy writing a good history.

Reborn in Naruto with Dark Souls system

Bhargab_Das_3742
Not enough ratings
18 Chs

Liked by 15 people

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Replies8
Omni404_Sans
Omni404_SansLv13

then make a book yourself and see how it goes

1yr
2
Hanni_Baal
Hanni_BaalLv4

Hey, I can admit that I don't have the talent for that kind of trip, but I do have the knowledge to make these kinds of comments, did I say something outside the box? Did I mention something that would destroy a good book? No, I only point out to the author the basic level of development if he wants to create a good book, something that all good works have, because as consumers, we can ask for things, and he, as the author, can decide what he wants to do with them. Does my advice bother you? Tell me which ones and give me arguments as to why you don't like them, because that is the foundation and the most basic level necessary to live in society, unless of course you prefer a tyranny.

Omni404_Sans:then make a book yourself and see how it goes
1yr
10
Omni404_Sans
Omni404_SansLv13

whan, did I say that just curious to see if u culd make a better one to read thats all

Hanni_Baal:Hey, I can admit that I don't have the talent for that kind of trip, but I do have the knowledge to make these kinds of comments, did I say something outside the box? Did I mention something that would destroy a good book? No, I only point out to the author the basic level of development if he wants to create a good book, something that all good works have, because as consumers, we can ask for things, and he, as the author, can decide what he wants to do with them. Does my advice bother you? Tell me which ones and give me arguments as to why you don't like them, because that is the foundation and the most basic level necessary to live in society, unless of course you prefer a tyranny.
1yr
1
Hanni_Baal
Hanni_BaalLv4

OK, then what type do you like, maybe I can recommend some...

Omni404_Sans:whan, did I say that just curious to see if u culd make a better one to read thats all
1yr
2
Omni404_Sans
Omni404_SansLv13

if it is not chineese or harem I am good with it

Hanni_Baal:OK, then what type do you like, maybe I can recommend some...
1yr
2
Hanni_Baal
Hanni_BaalLv4

Hahaha What about... FanFic: Altering Skyrim (completed) in here, WebNovel. Guild Management (Fairy Tail) in WN. Age of Charon (Marvel. really good but sadly in pause) in WN. The Tale of Loki (Completed) this one is fun, not really good, but normal and fun, here in WN. Mason Aves; The Wizard (Harry Potter, kind of completed?) in WN. Harry Potter: A Certain Ancient Rune Professor of Hogwarts (TL)(It's chinese, but quite good) in WN. HP: War Games (in pause and short, but the idea is sooo good, so i put in here) in WN. HP: A Magical Journey [Complete] in WN. In the Harry Potter Without Harry Potter, in WN. Meta Essence Gacha in Marvel (Slowly ongoing but it worth it) in WN. Legendary Tinker, in fanfiction.net Game of Monste, in FF.net A colorful Life, in FF.net Brockton's Celestial Forge, in FF.net And a web novel, because it's too good jajaj: Lord of Mysteries, first story it's alredy completed, the second it's on going. In WN, but with the app you can only unlock 2 chaps per day. And FF from LOM there are a few very good, like "Paradox" or "Starting as a reader." Those are the ones I feel good about recommending. - - -

Omni404_Sans:if it is not chineese or harem I am good with it
1yr
2
Omni404_Sans
Omni404_SansLv13

well thank you my fella I will check them out

Hanni_Baal:Hahaha What about... FanFic: Altering Skyrim (completed) in here, WebNovel. Guild Management (Fairy Tail) in WN. Age of Charon (Marvel. really good but sadly in pause) in WN. The Tale of Loki (Completed) this one is fun, not really good, but normal and fun, here in WN. Mason Aves; The Wizard (Harry Potter, kind of completed?) in WN. Harry Potter: A Certain Ancient Rune Professor of Hogwarts (TL)(It's chinese, but quite good) in WN. HP: War Games (in pause and short, but the idea is sooo good, so i put in here) in WN. HP: A Magical Journey [Complete] in WN. In the Harry Potter Without Harry Potter, in WN. Meta Essence Gacha in Marvel (Slowly ongoing but it worth it) in WN. Legendary Tinker, in fanfiction.net Game of Monste, in FF.net A colorful Life, in FF.net Brockton's Celestial Forge, in FF.net And a web novel, because it's too good jajaj: Lord of Mysteries, first story it's alredy completed, the second it's on going. In WN, but with the app you can only unlock 2 chaps per day. And FF from LOM there are a few very good, like "Paradox" or "Starting as a reader." Those are the ones I feel good about recommending. - - -
1yr
1
Hanni_Baal
Hanni_BaalLv4

hahahahaha I can feel You bro jajaja

Omni404_Sans:well thank you my fella I will check them out
image
1yr
2
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Choya_Hyuga
Choya_HyugaLv5

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SoberanoSinNombre
SoberanoSinNombreLv5

my review is temporary. I'll give it 5 stars because the premise of a guy whose special power is the dark souls status table appeals to me. When you have more chapters I will start reading. I will be waiting for your fanfic not to be abandoned, because I am very interested. this fafic was added to my library

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