Review Detail of Chaos_Prime in Yandere Vs Yandere

Flowery words… I will start from this. The very beginning is filled with flowery descriptions, which although might not be wrong, it is still like anything else, when overused, it is destructive. The sentences… how should I say, MTL is better? Many of them outright awkward, don’t make sense, or just horrible. An example of this would be: “This easy! The guards weren’t knights!” People don’t talk like that. No one talks like that. Also, some things seem weird. The bandits in the first chapter appear and sound righteous, which although not bad, it is still weird, since you know they are bandits… but this: “She and her upstart knight group have dared to step into OUR land! Stop OUR trade! Steal OUR women! Kill OUR brothers! We won’t let that wench and her knights be!” When have bandits ever looked or spoke like this? They feel more like knights defending their country. Other than that, there is this: “Shh!” The man shushed, quiet, soft. Um, just no. Also, too many exclamation marks. Way way too many. The story is also all over the place. The POV changes too fast and unexpectedly. Some characters appear out of nowhere. In chapter 2, a man literally appeared out of nowhere. Even if one wants to use magic to explain, it still will not make sense because no indication or explanation of his appearance was mentioned.