Review Detail of Nxgen_Snail_Kota in So I'm Shiraori in Fate, so what? [UNDERGOING REWRITE]

Not bad. The Grammar is fine, and so is the basic sentence structure making it readable which I can't say for 75% of the works on here. The world background is already set up so to get lower than a four you would have to actively try and fuck it up. The story development is fairly quick but that's fine as UBW is filled with a lot of bullshit that could be easily skipped. Character Design... could use some work. Dialogue is fast and without substance, instead of reading as two characters having a conversation it reads as two people running lines with each other. Someone will say something, someone else will say something and move on without expressing any emotion, or tone. The question and exclamation marks will only take you so far before it all starts to blend together in a banal mess of conversations that feel more like dialogue options from an Oblivion NPC than two people actually talking to one another. Plus, (And this is a personal opinion) it's really ugly when there are sound effects to demonstrate what characters are doing instead of something like - ("She broke down into sobs, staining the front of my shirt with her tears") Or ("Our conversation was abruptly ended by the ringing of the lunch bell") But otherwise it's a fine fic.