webnovel
Tanelornian
TanelornianLv11yr
2023-02-23 15:37

I very much like that this starts with Eight already in deep trouble. And some of his responses to his situation are really strong, like: "...he knew he wouldn’t last many more weeks of this menial work. He needed to escape, but he could only wait for the right opportunity. There was a difference between escape and freedom." (I love that last line.) I'm not sure 'brick' is the right word. To me a brick is small. Maybe 'slab?' Stone slab? I know this is a villain's story, but I stil wonder if a few moments of softness wouldn't actually make it more effective--including more effectively villainous. I like the tension between the use of 'planet,' which implies sf and 'mana-core,' which implies fantasy. Makes me want to keep reading to find out where exactly we are! Oh, and 'trading injury for injury' is a grippy concept. I don't know if you develop it but it definitely sparks my curiosity!

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ThegoodappIe
ThegoodappIeLv1

An interesting spin on the "suddenly have powers" litrpg trope mixed with a deep lore and worldbuilding and a characters who is many. The style itself if where my main gripes come from. As much as I love the internal though process of Eight mixed with amazing detail and description, the segue between chapters has a tendency to leave me with a bit of confusion. It might just be me, honestly, but I feel like I need to go back and double check what I already read to make sure I know where the story is going. Grammar is solid. Sentences work well as structured. Punctuation and spelling is on point. Plus, based on comments that corrected things, the author is keen to fix. The story itself is wonderful. As I said earlier, the author takes common tropes of litrpg and chose a power set that is rare if not unique. It puts a great spin on the genre. Paired with a backstory for the main character, and a clear path to where it's going and you've got the makings of a great fic. Eight makes a great main character. He has a clear background while also clear cut motivations and desires moving forward into the fic. With his new power, he is going down the path of evil, which I love and actually makes sense because it means he's not too villainous. Overall, this is a solid story with a lot of potential. Pretty excited to see how it will go and the author seems to have a great grasp on what they have here. My own gripes are personal opinions more than anything, and even then, it's nothing that can't be overlooked.

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