webnovel
angel_romero
angel_romeroLv12yr
2023-02-08 08:56

Man, it had so much potential too. But holy man, its moving WAY to fast, his revenge happens way to quick, no build up, no showing how he gets better, no seeing how the character develops. its just all told not showed, the laziest form of writing.

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
Replies3
Carrots123
Carrots123Author

The thing is, he doesn’t get better through training, that’s the whole point that’s made clear later on. Esau doesn’t have a mentor to teach him anything, he is self-taught by joining local martial arts clubs (who won’t really make someone skilled), watching YouTube videos and his own experiences in the Underground Fighting Rings. It’s only later on that he gets a mentor and starts learning. But in these early days it’s natural talent and experience that help Esau survive. Experience gained from his time in the Underground Fighting Rings, and I didn’t want to spend too much time focused on that considering they’re barely a thing in the comics anyway. I want to give enough information about Esau’s past and his situation without spending too much time on it.

angel_romero
angel_romeroLv1

I get that, but the main character isn't from the comic books, he has no lore, no prior knowledge of him. he doesn't have a pre existing back story everyone knows about like others do in fanfics. its hard to read about and connect to an OC when we get a rushed story. we need to see his struggles, his happiness, his hopes and dreams. unless you're going for an OP kind of story (which from the first few chapters it doesn't seem like it). if we had a look into how he took down the bases, how he messed up taking down bases, who he meets, who he interacts with while taking down bases, stuff like that. it helps flesh out a character and connect with them. But hey its you're story, and that's my opinion, you do you.

Carrots123:The thing is, he doesn’t get better through training, that’s the whole point that’s made clear later on. Esau doesn’t have a mentor to teach him anything, he is self-taught by joining local martial arts clubs (who won’t really make someone skilled), watching YouTube videos and his own experiences in the Underground Fighting Rings. It’s only later on that he gets a mentor and starts learning. But in these early days it’s natural talent and experience that help Esau survive. Experience gained from his time in the Underground Fighting Rings, and I didn’t want to spend too much time focused on that considering they’re barely a thing in the comics anyway. I want to give enough information about Esau’s past and his situation without spending too much time on it.
Carrots123
Carrots123Author

Tbh, Esau isn't the only one taking down Black Mask and the False Face Society, to Esau he is, but he has tunnel vision and only sees what's right in front of him, not what else is going on around him. This is the first base Esau has attacked, all Esau had done up until this point is target people on the streets. Esau is the first domino, the hammer and chisel that is chipping away at the large boulder that is the FFS, but there are a lot of other players and factions in Gotham that are working to take down Black Mask. But this is a reflection of Esau's lack of understanding of what is really going on in Gotham, as he doesn't know or understand these things.

angel_romero:I get that, but the main character isn't from the comic books, he has no lore, no prior knowledge of him. he doesn't have a pre existing back story everyone knows about like others do in fanfics. its hard to read about and connect to an OC when we get a rushed story. we need to see his struggles, his happiness, his hopes and dreams. unless you're going for an OP kind of story (which from the first few chapters it doesn't seem like it). if we had a look into how he took down the bases, how he messed up taking down bases, who he meets, who he interacts with while taking down bases, stuff like that. it helps flesh out a character and connect with them. But hey its you're story, and that's my opinion, you do you.
Other Reviews
Related Stories