Yeah this is a mess man. Its not the worst attempt at writing but it far from good. You used the word 'would' in almost every sentence, I counted 320 times in just 11 short chapters...
Liked by 4 people
LIKE
Also its written and past tense because if I wrote it in present and/or future that would be weird. Also and the fact that you counted the word would is also kinda said consider the fact this I'm not a professional writer. Also and it's a "Mess" because I would use the word "Word" How often do you think the word "The" was used in the entire Harry Potter series. This think it's over 20000
He may have been a bit rude but you did use would way to much. Past tense is fine but using the same word in the same structure so many times is legitimately distracting. You can just use the past tense of the verbs in the sentence. “Goku would ignore these looks” -> “Goku ignored these looks”
Greater_Oat:Also its written and past tense because if I wrote it in present and/or future that would be weird. Also and the fact that you counted the word would is also kinda said consider the fact this I'm not a professional writer. Also and it's a "Mess" because I would use the word "Word" How often do you think the word "The" was used in the entire Harry Potter series. This think it's over 20000
Wow Uncle Roger will you try my story and point out mistakes , title is journey of son Goku in fiction .
Sure nephew, uncle is always trying to find good books to read!
KIWDANTI:Wow Uncle Roger will you try my story and point out mistakes , title is journey of son Goku in fiction .
