This fanfic, set in the world of Naruto and inspired by Hanma Yujiro's legacy, left me rather disappointed. It has some serious issues that hinder the overall reading experience. First and foremost, the choice of a first-person point of view is disorienting. It makes it hard to connect with the characters and the world, which is crucial for any story. The sentence structure is also problematic, with sentences that often feel disjointed and hard to follow. The story rushes forward at a relentless pace, leaving little room for character development or world-building. This is a missed opportunity, as combining the Naruto and Hanma Yujiro universes could have led to a rich and immersive narrative. Unfortunately, this potential remains largely untapped. The main character in this fanfic is a significant letdown. They lack the charisma and likability that one expects from a protagonist in the Naruto universe. Instead of a well-rounded character, we get someone who is one-dimensional and hard to root for. In essence, this fanfic feels like a rushed attempt at wish-fulfillment, lacking the structure and depth that would have made it a compelling read. It's a shame because the premise had so much promise, but the execution falls short.
Liked by 15 people
LIKE
Hahaha u got me there! Meh, I don't want to defend myself as I lack experience. Em, I think I'm adding too much flowery words! But you're true for the most part, I think. If you still reading this in the future, pray that I'll improve faster, heheh.
It’s okay we all have to start somewhere, I’ll look forward to your work once I start seeing improvements, take it slow.
Amomon:Hahaha u got me there! Meh, I don't want to defend myself as I lack experience. Em, I think I'm adding too much flowery words! But you're true for the most part, I think. If you still reading this in the future, pray that I'll improve faster, heheh.
Fufufu, I wanted to reach the level where I can describe a fighting scene so vividly that your heart feel the beats of the battle! On that note, I'm thinking to switch back to 3rd pov as it did felt weird sometimes when I wrote the chaps, what do u think?
AkiraLight:It’s okay we all have to start somewhere, I’ll look forward to your work once I start seeing improvements, take it slow.
3rd pov is a good choice to switch to, you can show multiple characters thoughts and actions in 3rd on a broader term then showing specific pov of each character. Test it and once your comfortable with each pov then your writing will start improving for the better. It takes experience and time as long as you don’t give up you will eventually grow as a Author. Similar to going to the gym.
Amomon:Fufufu, I wanted to reach the level where I can describe a fighting scene so vividly that your heart feel the beats of the battle! On that note, I'm thinking to switch back to 3rd pov as it did felt weird sometimes when I wrote the chaps, what do u think?
Hahaha that last bit tho. The grind never fail us ay
AkiraLight:3rd pov is a good choice to switch to, you can show multiple characters thoughts and actions in 3rd on a broader term then showing specific pov of each character. Test it and once your comfortable with each pov then your writing will start improving for the better. It takes experience and time as long as you don’t give up you will eventually grow as a Author. Similar to going to the gym.
