Good side:
I have to say, I am quite entranced by the description of the background/scenery. It felt like I was there, immersed into the setting. The flow was also very natural and didn’t feel like different cloths patched together. Additionally, the mc’s and other characters personality can be seen. Why it’s almost as though they are alive. The usage of words are simply marvelous, they guide the reader’s mind to the right direction and effect. They make you laugh, fear and dread. To this point, I have to say, the author is good at recreating atmosphere. Not only through the presentation of words but also the metaphors which are used on the right doses and intensity, making the story very flavorful.
I especially love the mystery with the replay, and my goodness your mastery of language is incredible. The narration is so good, my curiosity is piqued every word of the story. How to say it, the realisticness of the character, the responses, thoughts and dialogues. They all fit in like jigsaw puzzle. My friend, you are painting a picture, and what a beautiful scenery it is.
Also: I love how you create suspense, never a boring moment here.
Cons:
Sometimes the dialogues are continued by a one sentence elaboration- for example, “[a line]” I retorted/ an action. This contrasts your very detailed writing thus far and sort of prevents itself from congruently mixing into the rest. This might be a writing style, but I suggest adding more detail. For example, how far the rock traveled after being kicked, maybe you could add a foreshadowing through symbolism with the rock’s fate too there. I see this occurring throughout your chapters, “she added,” “[] shouted,” whilst there is nothing wrong with it, the story would be much more epic if there is an elaboration, since the shift is rather jarring. Other than, the uneven length of paragraphs there is not much to pick on.
Congrats- you are an epic writer 🎉
