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Kyle_Kingsmaker
Kyle_KingsmakerLv42yr
2022-08-03 00:08

Ok, so english is not my main language so bear with me, also I'm not the best at doing reviews, but here I go. First, the novel until now (chap 16) has been good so far. However, author please pay attention to some loopholes. *Spoiler alert* Caitlyn said that she asked Leon's e-mail on school, found something suspcious and started investigating, however she said that she has been stalking him for 6 years, and Leon later asked her a question where Caitlyn answered that Leon didn't go to elementary school, so this should leave us only with high school, so he should have only 3 to 4 years with Caitlyn at most. Also, Caitlyn knew about the facility and all, so the school part doesn't add up. Second, to new readers, although the MC has a screwed identity crisis on the begining, where sometimes the author calls him Leon and sometimes call him Atlas, if you can brave through the first 10 chapters, the history gets better. Third, author, for the love of what is holy be careful of how you makes a character behave. For example, Leon didn't behave as the supposed sociopath that he's supposed to be, and him blushing at his first interactions with Caitlyn doesn't quite add up at his personality. I get that he's a virgin and all, however he portrait himself as a cool-headed guy and adding his sociopathy it doesn't make much sense. But on the latter chapters it gets better, so this is more of an advice. Forth, although I like the comedy tune, be careful of when to use it. Taking the situation where Leon, Caitlyn, Sarah and Lindy had a vortex opening up close to them, there the comedic tune didn't let the readers grasp the situation cleary, for example, I myself didn't get the whole situation: what was coming out of the vortex; the situation' severity etc. Overall, those are the only cons I have seen on the novel until now, however I have really liked the novel. Also author, the points above are advices and observations, I'm not critizing you or not giving worth to your work, I know how hard it's to create a novel that satisfies the author and the readers, so don't take the points in a negative way. Keep the good work, and take a power stone as a motivation. I hope to come back later on and give a review even better. ; )

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Margrave
MargraveAuthor

Thank you so much for the review! Fixing the name problem was embarrassing. I changed his name later 😳 Caitlyn tells him two paragraphs down she lied to him to test if she could lie. They only met last year in college. On sociopathy, it's true. It's noted that Leon has a quirk about caring about his image toward women. However, his sociopathic tendencies come and go, as his powers mess with his emotions. That said, you'll soon enjoy them in their glory. As for the the humor, that's understandable. Ultimately this is a whimsical comedy. The fun of that scene was in her not noticing something so glaring to have a serious conversation. Though you're right, I should be more descriptive there. Thanks! I appreciate your feedback and hope you'll continue reading!

Kyle_Kingsmaker
Kyle_KingsmakerLv4

No problem and sorry for the mistake on the part where Caitlyn lies. Thanks for the new chapters by the way.

Margrave:Thank you so much for the review! Fixing the name problem was embarrassing. I changed his name later 😳 Caitlyn tells him two paragraphs down she lied to him to test if she could lie. They only met last year in college. On sociopathy, it's true. It's noted that Leon has a quirk about caring about his image toward women. However, his sociopathic tendencies come and go, as his powers mess with his emotions. That said, you'll soon enjoy them in their glory. As for the the humor, that's understandable. Ultimately this is a whimsical comedy. The fun of that scene was in her not noticing something so glaring to have a serious conversation. Though you're right, I should be more descriptive there. Thanks! I appreciate your feedback and hope you'll continue reading!
Margrave
MargraveAuthor

Of course! No worries. You helped me a lot. I've already corrected the story and made revisions for your changes. I'm releasing perks in a few days and will throw you one for this amazing feedback. Thanks again!

Kyle_Kingsmaker:No problem and sorry for the mistake on the part where Caitlyn lies. Thanks for the new chapters by the way.
Kyle_Kingsmaker
Kyle_KingsmakerLv4

Thanks in advance, I'll be waiting.

Margrave:Of course! No worries. You helped me a lot. I've already corrected the story and made revisions for your changes. I'm releasing perks in a few days and will throw you one for this amazing feedback. Thanks again!
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