Review Detail of LiteraryDragon in Supreme Star Of War

This is my first novel, so don't expect too much from me. I have been planning out the story for about 2 years now, from the world to the characters and I never got around to writing it, so here it finally is (at least for me lol). Hopefully you guys and girls will enjoy it as much as I did writing it. If there is anything I need to improve upon, from story to grammar or anything in between, please let me know. Have fun reading!