Review Detail of Notion_Theory in The Savage Beast (dropped, for The Sword Sovereign)

Okay I've finished reading your book So far it's way better than my first novel I have a few things that I'm about to tell you that you already know like grammatical error and lack of character design so I'll just tell you what I think you need to do to improve First off you need to learn to build atmosphere, that helps when you want to make a certain situation feel vivid and realistic It's good to summerize your sentences so that you get to the point but with certain things like how Damian pushes his dad and be falls down the stairs you could add a little bit of depth by giving the reader an idea of how the environment the person is in and give a little bit of description on how a characters expression is when a certain thing happens. And another way to give depth to a character isn't describing them but instead show the reader how a character behaves in a particular situation and how they talk and respond to certain ppl, it's a really good way to tell ppl about your character without really not telling them at all. Don't over do the descriptions if your book isn't a mystery You don't have to explain every little thing about a characters thoughts and actions unless it's necessary. Your book starts off in first person with the main character seeing most of all the things for the first time so that automatically means you can't write anything another character is thinking if the mc can't read minds so make the mc clueless about nearly everything what's happening and that will make him feel more human The best way for you to improve at a rapid rate is by reading other ppls books and studying how other aurhors tackle with certain things in their story I believe you can become better at writing, just don't give up and try to read more and try to study other authors