Review Detail of Prince_nonchalant in The Entomancer System - Fate Unbound

Firstly, this story is most certainly unique. I love the vivid descriptions and the way the author brings the story to us. At the time of writing this, there are only 5 chapters so I'll review based on those. Synopsis: Your synopsis is pretty nice and captivating. It sets the expectations and so far seems to meet them. Not much can be criticized there. Writing Quality: Your word choices are phenomenal. Great descriptions and lovely ways of describing both characters and backgrounds. In terms of grammar, you're doing far better than a lot of English speakers. However, I did see a few incomplete words and badly organized sentences but I'll give this 5 stars since you stated that you're no English speaker. Story Development: This is the reason I didn't give you a full 5. While I love the descriptions and the figure of speeches used, I think you overdid it. There's a thing called too much and there was certainly more than the average reader would like to see in just a few paragraphs. If I'm not mistaken, just the first 4 opening paragraphs had like maybe around a total of 6 or so figures of speeches clumped together. That's way too much and it can confuse readers. Not everyone can read between lines so it's best to limit how many figures of speech you use. I used to do this too and I said something like "Kitchen utensils sang from the kitchen due to the shaking" and a reader was like "How the f*** are kitchen utensils singing?". You have to be mindful not to overdo these things in your writing as it can make it unreadable and it did confuse me at some parts too. Character Design and World Background: Already stated that the designs for both the backgrounds and characters were stunning so full marks there. Just try not to overdo it. Overall: 4.6 because the story has potential but it is most definitely confusing at parts. I think you're making your story wayyy too complex. Calm down a bit and relax. Everyone likes to see stunning descriptions now and then, not every 2 sentences. Fix these minor issues and you'll be good to go. Good luck author!