webnovel
Lunar_Light
Lunar_LightLv152yr
2022-07-05 14:52

First impression is not good, there is a lot of information missing, the mc feels like a japanese beta mc mixed with self centered chinese mc, but the good side of those two isn’t there, grammar is okay, but the flow feels awkward

A Hentai System in the World of Dungeon Ni Deai

ParodyGirl
4.6
179 Chs

Liked by 48 people

LIKE
Replies4
ParodyGirl
ParodyGirlAuthor

Thanks for the review. I did not reveal some information, such as where he was when he was outside the tower, because this is very important for the future. Is the pacing strange? Would you have any tips on how to improve it?

2yr
1
noobageddon_
noobageddon_Lv14

Had this on my library for a while now and just decided to read it now cuz it has a decent amount of chaptie(compare to other ff in this site). But beta mc?? Thanks for saving my time.

2yr
12
Gerier
GerierLv4

1yr
Gerier
GerierLv4

1yr
Other Reviews
ParodyGirl
ParodyGirlAuthor

This is the first time I've written fanfic and it's also the first time I've written h3nt41 content, so it probably won't be very good. I will try to get better and better at describing the scenes, but it's a little difficult xD Thanks to everyone who is reading! This story doesn't deserve 5 stars, but I'll give it since I'm the author lol

2yr

Times_Avatar
Times_AvatarLv4

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2yr
Melshan
MelshanLv7

HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM

2yr
GrimReeFer
GrimReeFerLv1

MC is a submissive that likes being dominated. Author killed off bell, but then some readers cried so he changed it, now he helps bell instead. He gives most of his money to Hestia to help pay of her debts, not sure if that includes bells knife, I stopped reading at that point.

1yr
HONOR
HONORLv4

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

2yr
Zekril
ZekrilLv4

The first 50 chapter is good but then it come to hia level up which destroyed it Instead of shop became skill share I dont know whata the writer thinking about hia mc abilities chu choices

1yr
QueenMeri
QueenMeriLv2

it's a very good fanfic :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

2yr
rbp
rbpLv2

not well planned fanfic, i hope you can rewrite it to what was originally your idea and not be influenced by your readers unless it's for the better of the novel/novel go downhill. well 👍 for the effort keep writing and sorry for my grammar english is my third language after all.

1yr
PearOfDeezNuts
PearOfDeezNutsLv3

To be honest I basically barely remember anything but the fact I'm still reading it means it's a good FF to read(in my opinion). SO read if you want.

2yr
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