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elano77
elano77Lv122yr
2022-07-22 23:31

Could be better. Author is a clear novice though the work has incredible potential. What is the reason for making the MC so stupid? Why? Why try to build up the world and then give us a massive, unnecessary info dump through a flashback?

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Gladstone_
Gladstone_Author

Yes, I admit i’m a novice at writing But there would surely be improvement in the later chapters As for the earlier chapters, I’m re-editing everything and cutting down all unnecessary info dumps Thanks for the review

Strax
StraxLv15

I myself didn't mind the flashback with the info dump. It definitely opens the possibility of a prequel... you certainly have the outline done for it. I'd read it!

Other Reviews
Thefantastictouch
ThefantastictouchLv4

I read till chapter 72, and i think i can't go further . When i started reading this , i had high hopes. The reasons were : - The pretty good writing( nothing revolutionary but definitly better than most books out there.) - The many possibilities of developement for the plot - The fact that the transition from a cowardly character to a confident one for the Mc was well done. - Although this novel takes some elements of another( bloodline system, which is not so great either) , it slowly finds its own way. - The other voice of the system which added a layer of mystery . But that was all. And some point, as time goes by, one find himself/ herself unable to continue because some problems are too obvious to be ignored : - The pace is horribly slow. It is not a bad thing per se . However when NOTHING substential happens to the Mc , it just makes the book boring. - What is even the Mc 's motivation? So far i don't see one. Him not having any clear ambition makes it so he doesn't go beyond the " i'm an author's good idea " to become a " i'm an author's good idea who works because I FEEL REAL " . Harry is an Mc because the author made him so. If he was a side character in some other book , People wouldn’t even care about him , because he is not interesting. This applies to other characters as well. So far , none of them seems a little bit interesting or real. - The story doesn't progress and it feels like there are no dangers or difficulties for the Mc(A competition is approaching but there's no tension at all ). The world building isn't doing much better , as it is nothing new and we don't even know that much about the world yet. - The author's writing is also a problem. Although the grammar and the vocabulary are good( it's nothing extraordinary but it's better than most of the novels on this app), the author has a serious issue with emotions. The tension, the fear , the sadeness... it's like the author has troubles showing emotions. It is not so evident in the earlier chapters. But as one goes further , it is more and more glaring. That's why every interactions feels so inconsistent and not relatable at all. Besides , i myself do not like it when the Mc dwells on sadness and regrets. But the author could have shown at least that Harry( even though he said the contrary) deep down, cares for his family. It should have been shown( or told ) a bit that it hurts him that they didn’t even searched for him when he moved out . What i mean is that the author could have add some complexity to the characters' emotions which would help making them appear real and human-like. Moreover, the chapters aren't that long . 72 chapters appears to be a lot but it isn't ( for that book). Overall, this novel isn't bad but just average . I'm so disappointed because so much more could have been done .

Evadz
EvadzLv14
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