You have a strong grasp on telling the story, your writing is clear and moves the story along. Judging from the first chapter alone i can tell your wary of info dumps so good job on that. -----------However, the plot, pacing, dialogue and believability, sorta takes a massive back seat. This is mainly due to clarity, your trying to mask the main character in mystery, even to the point of masking the other characters and clouding your story. The next problem you have is slipping back and forth between present tense and past tense. When it comes to this genre the number one killer is clarity, what's is happening ,why is happening, who's saying what? (Who is the female officer, and if they spoke for over an hour it is highly unlikely that she didn't introduce herself already, and highly unlikely we don't know any other the character's names). Last piece of advice , if you have to put something in a glossary for readers to understand, then you did a poor job presenting it in your story. I don't see info dumps, so I doubt you will have this problem, but then again, zero info within an unclear story can be equally as bad.
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First thing! Thank You for the feedback. Let me clear the glossary thing. So I placed a glossary at the end of some chapters because many readers aren't familiar with many terms, they maybe new to them so I kindda thought to ease their problem. I beleive I have explained each and everything very clearly in the chapters but still I provided the glossary just in case. You pointed out that I have slipped between present and past tense then okay I will re-edit the chapters and clarify this mistake. The pace of the story would be a little slow. Hang in there and I beleive you would change your opinion. Thank You for pointing out these flaws, I will surely work on them! Regards, Author!!
Dude! So far I have read the story there was no problem. The pace, the dialogues, the plot, background everything's goin great. More important I am thankful to writer for providing that dictionary thing below some chaps cuz everyone's not good at some thing's. The POV's ve'been explained really well and the more info at the end of chaps is like cherry on the top. This review of your's may mislead many readers..
