make the dialoug smoother and the transaction to thing to thing to another thing smoother other than that its an amazing novel anyways *STAR PLATINUM!* **ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA OOORRRRRAAA*** *BOOOOMMM*

Despite the interesting premise of the novel as well as the surprisingly not bad grammar, one crucial thing itself is missing...the story. Most of the events that would make the meat of the bones are missing, no event summary or flashbacks, you just get dragged from scene to scene with nothing connecting them. The author just skipped to the part where he gets the power, gets the friends, he mentions going to school and all of a sudden it's been a couple of years, like what?😅

Grammar isn't bad for a Webnovel fanfiction. But for me the story is too edgy when it comes to his personality. We also get little to no explanation as for why he acts the way he does. He switches what type of weapon he used like every chapter, it went from sabers to dagger, from daggers to swords from raven, to straight wakizashi to scimitars in the matter of a few chapters with no explanation. I'm also not a big fan of how he describes the character, personally I don't like the way he dresses which is a bit off a throw off, but that's a personal preference. His semblance is also ridiculously overpowered for remnant's standards and rivals Cinder's maiden powers. He also manages to develop his semblance quickly due to god making it easier for him, we also don't get an explanation as for why god did that because god refused to do anything else for him. The story also goes from scene to scene, no flashbacks, and nothing that gives the characters depth. Realistically him becoming a male ruby should've had a lot of butterfly effects but it seems author wants to stick as close to canon as possible which is slightly boring because the setting has a lot of potential, and I think the author also has potential if he tries to make more changes to canon. It doesn't feel like an immersive story, it feels like when you daydream about being inserted into an anime with overpowered abilities. My biggest problem is the MC though because he acts chunni for no reason, shows little reaction to being transmigrated (shows little emotion) which is very unrealistic because we all know that if we were 16 taken away from our loved ones we would grief, so that takes away realism from the story. Also, some canon changes just aren't explained like how Raven is suddenly his godmother and it seems like she cares more about MC than her own daughter, and seems to spend a lot of her free time (that she probably doesn't have being a leader of a bandit tribe n all that) with MC. Some tips would be to reads some fics from RoyalRoad or Fictionlive to get some inspiration.

[img=recommend][img=update][img=recommend][img=update][img=recommend][img=update][img=recommend][img=update][img=recommend][img=update][img=update][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=update]

when I read the title I was like 'oh god no', I literally had flash back to the time I was on Wattpad because of boredom and found multiple rwby fanfic with the same name but after reading this I realized this is an actual decent fanfic, well still need a bit of work to it, but still pretty good if you ask me through a little bit too fast pace, but overall it pretty decent

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

the story is amazing it has a lot of potential but the transition as the dialogue could be smoother because every chapter feels like it had a little time skip and keep up the good work because i loved the story

very fast pace when moving scene to scene. gets a bit confusing since there is little character development. I'd say more but I'm not good with words.

Have enjoyed the story a lot till now. The story seems to be shaping up well.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------