webnovel
CaringSoul
CaringSoulLv310mth
2024-01-27 00:21

I should have given this a full fledged five but I have a few issues with the writing of this fanfic: 1. Writing Quality: Though it is good that author wishes to make it sound more british if he writes dialogues in their way of talking... but it sounds really complex and more than that, it is sometime wrong and bothers readers... for example, Padma patil will soon see the effects of the work that little luna and I have done... see she did. That's not right and and it really bothers me personally when I am reading such a good story... 2. Story development: The story is going smooth like in actual movie... I appreciate that... but sometimes... the scene changes...you separate it using 'End Scene' line but still it take quite few paragraphs to understand the situations like where mc is, and who is he talking to, what he is talking about...(again writing improvement is needed) 3. Character Design: This is my personal opinion... I noticed that MC went through a lot in his previous life, he craved family, friends, wealth, health and support but died...In this world, he has family, friends, mentor, supporters, wealth and love too but he still doesn't open up to them let alone connects. So for me, he still doesn't feel relatable as he doesn't relate to them either. I think he should have more conversations with other characters rather than your opinions(which is obvious that you will put there) or the things he is thinking in his brain(long sentences makes him look more calculative in relationship which he shouldn't be in my opinion). Just think if he doesn't think so much and just do (maybe he thinks that way but you don't need to always explain why he is going to do this) Upadating Stability: Everyone wants that new chapter should drop regularly...(increase the frequency please) World Background: As we have already seen movies or read novels we already know the hp world and you do justice in this part... Speciality of this webnovel ie why is it good? 1. It has good plot 2. It has some separate situations/stories of other side characters... writer has shown a little creativity there. 3. It is short but reading it still fulfills you... I thought it has so less chapters but when I started reading, it took so long to complete a chapter...(maybe I was reading it two times to understand) 😂 (joke) yeah that's all... so I hope the author will do this fanfic justice and read this review in a positive remark and give us better and better reading experience... so that at the end of the novel I would give it 5 stars again.

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Replies2
SHEOGORATH
SHEOGORATHAuthor

Oh my, an actual constructive review, is it my birthday? Just kidding, thanks for taking the time to give us your opinion, it really helps out. I know that the writing feels a bit off, though it's mostly because I'm more familiar with French than English and often mistranslate sentences like see she did. (That's an actual way of saying stuff.) I struggle with keeping a stable update schedule, but I'm working on fixing it. Ideally, I would update at least twice weekly while keeping a good writing quality and 2K words. Again, thanks for the review buddy.

HerrSpawn
HerrSpawnLv4

What we need are more conversations to keep the story flowing instead of long thoughts of the characters man

Other Reviews
Adam_Clinton
Adam_ClintonLv13

I got 30% through the book before I gave up. Here are the reasons why: 1) Despite being in Ravenclaw, this fic could quite literally be transposed onto a Slytherin story. Instead of caring about learning, all the 'claws have some burning ambition to show their superiority in the grade ranking or something, and so do things like: -sabotaging work -ambushing people in the common room -bribing house-mates to not interfere with your plot -backstabbing your friend for not tutoring you After the sorting Flitwick gives his speech to the 'claws, and it's about how 'claws use their knowledge to fulfil their ambitions. 2) Similar to point 1, the mc is blatantly a Slytherin in mindset. He constantly thinks about how useful people will be, and only helping them if it benefits him, and not trusting people. He's also really kinda cringey when he has these thoughts. Like, these kids are 11 and he's having these thoughts about them. And for these two points, the story doesn't seem to recognise that these are Slytherin traits rather than Ravenclaw ones, saying things like "this is the Ravenclaw way of things". 3) Similar to point 2 but not point 1, the mc seems to be going through his chuunibyou phase. His variety is of the "I'm gonna pretend I'm an eloquent gentleman" type, where he whips out his mental thesaurus for every conversation and waxes poetic, while also being smugly polite about it. 4) Similar to point 3 but not 2 or 1, the author also seems to be going through a similar chuunibyou phase. Names are replaced with overly complicated pronouns and pointless metaphors are used constantly. Not to mention the total unnecessary "sophisticated" words that looks like he ran each page through a thesaurus.

Raul_Romero
Raul_RomeroLv11

A couple of tips, it is not necessary for the people around the MC to be "competent" when in the cannon it has already been shown that they are not, it just feels forced and utopian, it is not necessary for these people to be "geniuses" or " strong" authors always have this habit of forcibly buffing these people just to keep them relevant, now, the interactions with said "friends" are honestly bad, if you don't want to explain something you don't explain it, if you don't want to say something you just don't say it , but making them give him "stares" and feel forced to speak is like watching a Japanese anime with a beta protagonist, I see that the last chapters you try to put more "comedy" don't do it, the MC's arrogance is getting a little bit off Out of hand, you went from having a confident MC to a classical young master. I don't know why you portray "solitude" badly, from my own experience I have had many friends and surrounded by dozens of people, but I found loneliness better, and in this fic you have Fleur, they are like two feathers from the same bird, honestly their " friends" are totally unnecessary, Luna is more of a comic relief than anything else, I don't understand why they always want to put her as the "last boss" who knows everything about you, it's annoying In a world without magic, words win wars, but in a world with magic, a person wins wars, all this "such a person will be useful to me" or political things are more of a cage than freedom, no one will have more motivation to improve than someone who has reincarnated, no one will progress as fast, they don't have enough motivation as someone who knows a war is coming, please don't force a buff just to keep others relevant

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704 Chs