The story plot and the world background is interesting! There are grammar issues but a bit of editing will solve that. My major issue is used of --- instead of "" for speaking. I know you put a description in an earlier chapter but the dash lines dont really read well, especially when there are two characters speaking in my opinion. This is more personal preference since I'm used to see " used for character dialogue as well. Other people might be fine with it so choose whichever works best for you. Beyond that the story is growing and has good potential! Keep up the great work!
Kihitakamy
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