Helldragon_xdLv12yr

2022-03-27 05:04

I finished from prologue to chapter 21, and I think I've compiled enough thoughts for what I would recommend to polish and improve on. The first thing I would like to mention is in regards to the beginning. The "I", or the first person perspective that we first get I'll assume is the orginal Adel, or the one previously having the peak of cultivation and his many wives. There's nothing wrong with this as the different Adels interact with one another, but I feel this also brings up a clarity issue. Perhaps you could think on revising the beginning by making the different Adels more clear in some way. For example, I got confused from the past life Adel, Earth Adel, and then the alternate world Adel. We also get the jumps betweenthem, making it even harder to follow the story. This is something you can contemplate on doing to differentiate them better. A second thing I want to bring up is in regards to the information overload. I found the understanding of the 3 different ways of cultivating fine, then converging into Chi. However, a lot of stuff were introduced after that, and even someone experienced in reading cultivation/system/reincarnation books had a hard time remembering and understanding. It's good that you put descriptions for everything, but also beware of introducing too many new terms and ranking systems at once, which completely intimidates new readers and then they have an extremely hard time following alone, and in turn puts them off. For example, in prologue you introduced the 3 different energies, then in chapter 3 you introduced not only grades that are ranked by stars (I couldn't figure out if more stars was better or not), then steps and planes, and then pathways. Each of them had different ranking systems and it was quite hard to follow along. Then in chapter 6, pills and classes were suddenly thrown to the readers, and you can kind of see where I'm getting at with the information overload. Tempo and pace is something that requires more research on if you're looking to fix this. Moving on, I really enjoyed the interactions between Abel and Katrina. Their mutual interactions were realistic and enjoyable, although I have some gripes with the earlier interaction when Damon nearly kills Adel. Katrina seems way too cool-headed when she figures out that someone would be killing the man she loved. Although her post-actions seem logical and resonable in not wanting to kill Damon outright and cause massive trouble, I feel like her initial reaction seemed lacklustre when portrayed and didn't feel too realistic since she's still just a teenager. This part is just my nit-picking though, and more of a suggestion than anything else. Tldr; Your ideas are very good, and the worldbuilding you've planned I can see how detailed it is. However, there's an issue with information overload and some clarity when following the story. Interactions were fine, and some paragraphs were much longer while some were a sentence short, so formatting could also be polished. Interactions felt fine and worked well for the majority. MC has principles and internal conflicts, making him seem human and realistic which is good. Physical descriptions were present and easy to paint a picture. Some areas had small grammar issues which can be fixed with free grammar app.

Paragon Of Death [reposted]

immortalyxssine

4.9

27 Chs