Review Detail of Ice_Princesss in Consume Me In This New World

I'll leave you an honest review. There isn't much to say except working on your paragraphs and quotations (when a character is speaking). Your paragraphs are way too long so I suggest separating them, let's say about 3-4 lines for each paragraph. Secondly, when a character is speaking, you should leave that sentence on its own, don't mix it into the paragraph. Also, use Grammarly as it assists with things like sentence construction, grammar, and punctuation. Overall, the story has potential and I believe that although our ML is a level one player, he'll get stronger some day. All the best to you.