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Dizardia
DizardiaLv63yr
2022-01-21 22:34

The whole story premise is quite good, what this story lack is depth. This story is quite similar to the one on FFnet, which also is a Re:Zero FF but instead of Saber Lily, that one used Saber Proto. So lemme point out some problem that makes this story lack depth in my opinion: 1. The MC's lack of mental struggle is bothering me for some reason. The author decided to insert some random Joe as a Saber Lily. But to me so far, it's more like Saber Lily we're transported to Re:Zero instead of SI as Saber Lily in Re:Zero. 2. It needs more build-up, especially the fighting scene. A Lil bit more detail will be much appreciated before the fight ended. 3. Slow down the pace for better world-building. There are other things, but I think these 3 are some of the major concerns you should fix to improve the quality of the story. Keep up your good work author 👍

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ShuviLily
ShuviLilyAuthor

xD thanks for the review. For the mental struggle, it will be explained later as the story progressed. The main thing in this fanfiction is how Arturia will become a King that's different from the other Arturia from Fate.

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