What a great story and an amazing start! The narration is smooth amd the read was exciting. However, I would say that the, grammar and punctuation need refining, especially where there is dialogue. For example, there should always be some form of punctuation before the closing speech marks, but there is almost always missing; also, I have noticed that 'Shiro' is sometimes missing his capital letter at the beginning of his name. There are some areas where the expression of language could be tweaked and adjusted so that it would allow the story to optimally flow. I think I read in one of the other reviews that this is the author's first book, and if this is the case then they have done a brilliant job. Congratulations, definetly a recommended read, the author should be proud of themselves!
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