webnovel
lvlZeroGamer
lvlZeroGamerLv43yr
2021-09-18 07:03

I found no reviews for this book yet so i decided to give a brief overview and some pointers to the author. To the readers, this book has an interesting plot and is honestly not bad. I think that if you come across it you should read the few chapters here. To the author, you need to work on your writing style, don’t be afraid to get wordy when describing an image. I can see that you had another novel about this same story except lars never became axel (first assumption as I never read it) so if there i a connection you should mention it before hand. You could also get more readers if you increase the amount of chapters you upload. It may not be possible depending on you but if you want to continue this you should. Thats pretty much it. You have the right to disregard anything I said because as a reminder I only read the first two chapters.

Dropped X5

Gaburieru
Not enough ratings
22 Chs

Liked by 3 people

LIKE
Replies5
Gaburieru
GaburieruAuthor

Thanks for the review! Basically the characters from my original story are being reused but the plot has been drastically overhauled. As for the writing style should I be more descriptive with characters? or the general descriptions? I was purpose fully holding back but If I can improve plz let me know! as for updates. I will try my best to upload as often as possible!

3yr
1
lvlZeroGamer
lvlZeroGamerLv4

Well a problem I found in the girst chapter was that it felt like there was more dialogue than description of events, like the appearances and the way characters walk, for example you could write “Jin walked down the hall towards Lars with his hands in his pockets, a smug look on his face.” You should also try expanding you vocabulary and use words that can perfectly express people and objects.

Gaburieru:Thanks for the review! Basically the characters from my original story are being reused but the plot has been drastically overhauled. As for the writing style should I be more descriptive with characters? or the general descriptions? I was purpose fully holding back but If I can improve plz let me know! as for updates. I will try my best to upload as often as possible!
3yr
2
Gaburieru
GaburieruAuthor

ok, I will rewrite the first chapter tonight, do you have a discord? I'd like to get your thoughts on it after it's done

lvlZeroGamer:Well a problem I found in the girst chapter was that it felt like there was more dialogue than description of events, like the appearances and the way characters walk, for example you could write “Jin walked down the hall towards Lars with his hands in his pockets, a smug look on his face.” You should also try expanding you vocabulary and use words that can perfectly express people and objects.
3yr
1
lvlZeroGamer
lvlZeroGamerLv4

I do, it’s LevelZeroGamer#2298

Gaburieru:ok, I will rewrite the first chapter tonight, do you have a discord? I'd like to get your thoughts on it after it's done
3yr
1
Natoy_Gaming_2000
Natoy_Gaming_2000Lv10

i guess need some improvement in grammar but so far so good

3yr
Other Reviews
Master_Of_gu
Master_Of_guLv1

The novels have become frivolous, boring, and perverted because of the author. He needs to read my comment just to benefit: the handsome hero with a friendly and kind family, a beautiful and warm mother, a beautiful or domineering sister, a likable and shy little brother, and a strong-hearted father, of course always the hero's family people They are good and enforce the law and love people of course they are angels, you will not find the hero's family of sadistic villains, thieves and murderers. And all the girls in the world of course only who have a dazzling beauty need his help, and those poor little girls feel the responsibility to help and save them, the hero whose biggest concern when he gets super power is to save humanity and the world. Something disgusting and vulgar all the novels have become a deviant character. The reader hates such novels because they have nothing to do with human truth, because they depict angels of peace and love. We wish the authors to change this trivial pattern and show us the true human instincts. Selfishness, anger, murder, theft, arrogance, pride, fraud, deception, impersonal, self-interested, does not care about anyone, does not interfere in the affairs of others, does not help people, this is how the novel will become interesting You will not be able to predict the actions of the characters The events will become unexpected And enthusiastic, and it will bring a new revolution in the field of novels because such a character does not exist. There is one novel that I know is Revenend insanity. I guarantee you the success of your novel even if you are a beginner. Don't make the hero crazy, don't make him stupid, make him only care about his interests

3yr

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