Review Detail of EldritchBlade in One of Kyle's Lives (OLD VERSION!Discontinued!)
Review detail
This review is part of a review swap. I'm not sure what to make of it, six chapters in. The premise of the protagonist having lived in this same place in the past is neat, but it has very little to do with the story so far and seems inconsistent. In the first chapter, he seems surprised by the existence of cars compared to the carriages in his previous life... but then another character being his childhood friend lets her predict one of his attacks, which implies he's been here for long enough that he should know what cars are. We've received a ton of character names and little more than fight scenes and unattributed dialogue between the cast. The fights themselves aren't very mechanic-heavy, being about as detailed as "He coated his blade with shadow magic! She dodged!" The premise is great, and it seems like eventually the characters will have some fun interpersonal relationships, but so far, the protagonist is doing little more than watching curiously as other people talk about the school and fight.
One of Kyle's Lives (OLD VERSION!Discontinued!)
AidaHanabi
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Thank you for your feedback! Yes, I purposefully made the MC more of an "observer" in the first few chapters, especially in the beginning arc, because he only wanted to live "leisurely" in this life and didn't want to get involved with anything else. But later on, there would be an arc that occurs that would force him to reconsider his decision and become involved in everything. As for his surprise, it wasn't because he was really surprised, like he didn't know about that; it was more like a random thought that we all have, like "wow, who would have thought that humans would actually be able to find/make things like this in the past," especially since he was also reminiscing about the era of his past life, which had a significant time lag between his current life and that era. But, once again, thank you for sharing your thoughts![img=recommend]
You're welcome! I see what you're saying. Making it a little clearer that he was just kind of reminiscing in the first chapter, rather than reacting to his immediate surroundings, might be helpful for new readers. What threw me off is that "special person just wants to live a quiet life" is subgenre of comedy and action stories which usually hinge on the MC *not* being given an opportunity for a quiet life for very long. Usually, the MC's want to be left alone contrasts with a need (that they won't acknowledge) to open up to other people or use their powers to help others or whatever. The story structure usually revolves around the MC repeatedly trying to just relax and live their life, but circumstances forcing them to abandon their want to pursue their need by using their special aspect to help others. And usually the first instance of this occurs very early on, like the first episode or chapter, because it's promising the reader "this is the shape the story will take from here on out." So when I see this premise but then don't see a hint that the story world is much concerned with intruding upon the MC's desire to be left alone, it makes me think the story was mis-genred and makes me wonder how long it's going to take before things start happening. I'm not trying to say you should rewrite the beginning of the story (especially since lots of people seem to like it as it is!), but it might be helpful for you to adjust your story description to give a better idea what a reader should expect for the first few chapters.
AidaHanabi:Thank you for your feedback! Yes, I purposefully made the MC more of an "observer" in the first few chapters, especially in the beginning arc, because he only wanted to live "leisurely" in this life and didn't want to get involved with anything else. But later on, there would be an arc that occurs that would force him to reconsider his decision and become involved in everything. As for his surprise, it wasn't because he was really surprised, like he didn't know about that; it was more like a random thought that we all have, like "wow, who would have thought that humans would actually be able to find/make things like this in the past," especially since he was also reminiscing about the era of his past life, which had a significant time lag between his current life and that era. But, once again, thank you for sharing your thoughts![img=recommend]
Yep! Thanks! I will take notes for that! I really appreciate it! đđ I will continue to improve my skills! Let's do our best together!
EldritchBlade:You're welcome! I see what you're saying. Making it a little clearer that he was just kind of reminiscing in the first chapter, rather than reacting to his immediate surroundings, might be helpful for new readers. What threw me off is that "special person just wants to live a quiet life" is subgenre of comedy and action stories which usually hinge on the MC *not* being given an opportunity for a quiet life for very long. Usually, the MC's want to be left alone contrasts with a need (that they won't acknowledge) to open up to other people or use their powers to help others or whatever. The story structure usually revolves around the MC repeatedly trying to just relax and live their life, but circumstances forcing them to abandon their want to pursue their need by using their special aspect to help others. And usually the first instance of this occurs very early on, like the first episode or chapter, because it's promising the reader "this is the shape the story will take from here on out." So when I see this premise but then don't see a hint that the story world is much concerned with intruding upon the MC's desire to be left alone, it makes me think the story was mis-genred and makes me wonder how long it's going to take before things start happening. I'm not trying to say you should rewrite the beginning of the story (especially since lots of people seem to like it as it is!), but it might be helpful for you to adjust your story description to give a better idea what a reader should expect for the first few chapters.