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InGlorious
InGloriousLv43yr
2021-10-06 04:27

Let's be honest here... I lost my interest as soon as I read that he found Liquid Luck on some random Death Eaters and Aurors. Liquid Luck or Felix Felicis is one of hardest potion to brew. In HP books or the movies there is only one person who has the ability to brew that potion. Horace Slughorn and Liquid Luck is highly toxic for a someone so young... Even adults could only ingest a couple of drops. Liquid Luck is highly regulated by the ministry too and I understand that he might have found it on some random Death Eater because they don't follow laws but it's still absurd. Where did he get Liquid Luck from?? Even Ol Vodlie never got his hands on Liquid Luck or he would have taken over Britian without much difficulty and your timeline is pretty messed up. There is no way that Death Eaters were still operating while donning their Death Eater Regalia in the year of 1984. Voldie lost his body in 1981 and after that Death Eaters were either sentenced to Azkaban or the bribed their way out of Azkaban using Imperius Defense. Now if you have said that he had found Liquid Luck in the vaults of Pendragon or Fey then it would have been more logical than founding it on some random Death Eater or Auror. But the main problem of this story is something completely different. You don't explain things, in the first chapter you siad that he found secret base and whatever but how did he even know that?? Then how did he even nullify the tracking charms... You never explained that. You siad he used AOE but that doesn't work like that. Then how did he even train? The lack of details is the major put off in this story. If you are doing something in the story then explain it. Don't leave it hanging...

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America_Yea
America_YeaLv3

So far with 9 chapters this feels like it should be a really good one. The author has not put any severe limitations on the growth of our character which shows they so far know how to handle a fairly strong one. any limitations so far are more natural feeling than an author level putting the breaks on it feels more like he's just simply only limited by the realities of his situation such as not being instantly ubher because he's young and magic just taking a lot of his pool to make something a bit too powerful for instance he was able to strengthen his bloodline but that took a large portion of his magic till he rests or meditates. No moving on to the inevitability that is negative aspects I dont care much for. the only and I mean ONLY part I haven't liked so much is the one time the character made and used a cultivator bs potion for blood refinement(and I only dont like that because it actually doesnt fit in with modern science at all the thought that we have black impurities sitting in our bodies should only apply to smokers or folk who have abused their bodies in some way or another since fat is actually essential to the body eliminating it actually would do more harm than good and make you more susceptible to diseases and many other detriments.) and if it stays that way I'll stay happy. overall 4.8 out of 5 from me. Ps for the author here; work on the updates a bit for that perfect score and remember our extensive studies in the translation community show that if you cut the chapter size down a bit to get more releases your novel can be more habit forming and far more popular than simmilar sized ones that only release a few times a week. think about it if you can make this novel a part of someone's daily routine the act of coming here to read becomes the same as getting a cup of coffee after waking up, a daily occurrence that they won't want to be without.

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