Review Detail of Omnitheus in Vampire's Obsession

Rating it 5/5 :) Review after reading Chapter 5, (Actual chapter 5 lol) Some pointers: Writing quality. The author has a rich story to tell. Could use some proof reading but the lapses didn't affect the overall readability. Easy to understand too. If anything, I would suggest making the paragraphs not too lengthy. Sometimes, air quotes for character's dialogue make a paragraph too lengthy. A good style to shorten it and give more life to it is by starting the dialogue in a whole new paragraph. Story development. Has a strong start. Good exposition as it detailed not just the characters but the setting itself. The zeitgeist of the writing gave justice to the time setting. Good job! Character design is good and mysterious as the first chapter already gives a "problem" need solving, why his majesty is acting like that. The MC vampire king also maintains his (I could guess the author did it this way) narcissitic character. Overall, if the author could retain a proofreader's help, this will improve the writing tremendously as it already has a good plot and story. Another tip I just learned, perhaps you could make an Auxiliary chapter instead of putting the deleted chapter on Chapter 5, since auxiliary is always on top.