1. Work on spacing, and capitalizing stuff. and how you describe verbs. 2. I will give you credit, this did well in hooking my interests and had me reading onwards. I did like some of your smaller details and the quirks you had to your various characters and even the MC being silly. You do have a talent for humor in some of your jokes and overall, I think given some time you can really refine it. i think Grammarly would massively help
TheRealKnightYT
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