webnovel
mightymc_plane
mightymc_planeLv143yr
2021-09-01 15:47

It's good there are some spelling mistakes the usual with she, her, him, he, stuff. It's also kinda annoying that you use blacksmith a lot: Making sure Paia and Raine's family was fine after the commotion, he went back to the blacksmith to take advantage of the eye-catching advertisement he had. You could change it to the building smithy the blacksmith is Richie he works in the smithy. Also rolls off the tongue better Smithy: a place where a blacksmith works Blacksmith: one who works with metal Updating is really good the chapters are long good read also not having locked yet. The system stays quiet most of the time giving quests when Brian does something. (or not doing what the system wants.) Ex of spelling mistakes: Only thirteen minutes left before the red cloth outside will vanish from this world. The father had finished bathing her daughter with magic-made water. "Your going to let him got this time?"

The Legendary Daddy Merchant

BlueBlueLemon
4.7
63 Chs

Liked it!

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
BlueBlueLemon
BlueBlueLemonAuthor

Author here! I like to thank to those who read Legendary Daddy Merchant and those who stick around. I'm going to say this in advance, but I am planning to make this a long term project so hopefully, I would be able to write a lot of chapters. That is why the story development is a bit slow. It's my way of coping up in real life because in every chapter I write, I at least feel a little accomplishment from it. However, slow it may be, I try to make the journey smooth and enjoyable. So feel free to vote and add it to your library.

3yr

Mr_Imagination
Mr_ImaginationLv2

I love the story progression and I'm curious on what's going to happen next but the system and the slow pace irks me. The system is better off not having it's own consciousness because it's useless anyways. It's just annoying. I don't know what you are planning for giving the system consciousness but for now, it having a consciousness is just annoying and the most useless thing in the world.

3yr
kuhaku_sora
kuhaku_soraLv3

Writing quality 4/5- The only problem that I could see is the tenses switches and the showing techniques. There are a lot of tenses mixed up, but not enough to disrupt me from reading the story. Stabilty of updates 5/5- Story development- It was really a nice flow. The events happening in the story is really entertaining, except for... the character design which I gave 4/5- I thin bryan needs to have a purpose of returning back to his daughter. Redeeming himself is one thing, but he has a family. That goal must be visible by the time he arrives in the world (and how he asks about the system) World background- I have touched the surface of the world. But I dont think this matters for now, since this book is about character developmetn ( I think) Kudos for the author!

3yr
Spectra134
Spectra134Lv14

honestly this is one of the best I have read in a while, the story is pretty good and it's just easy to ready and makes you wanna continue, I'm pretty sure anybody who gives this book a try would like it

3yr
Maryam_Zahoor
Maryam_ZahoorLv1

Amazing story...The way you wrote synopsis is much unique than the way other writers introduce their story. Will love to get more and more chapters.

3yr
Lonewo1f
Lonewo1fLv3

A great read indeed. I liked the cover. It's simple yet very eye catching. The story's pace is good for now. I don't think it's rushing or have a slow pace. I saw some tenses off the bats here and there. As for grammar I didn't find any errors for now (maybe a few). Overall, a nice read.

3yr
Scourgie
ScourgieLv2

Just from the first chapter alone, it gives an amazing opening of the character's world, situation, and endings to chapters that leave you hooked! There are very minor grammatical issues but it doesn't take away from the story at all! I hope others reading this book can agree!

3yr
Thatguyray
ThatguyrayLv3

I Swear. An amazing book which grammar checker do you use. there are hardly any mistakes. I love the story setting. Am definitely adding this to my library.

3yr
Uragos
UragosLv11

It has a creative and interesting plot. The author has minor tense errors, but these are simple things and do not interfere with reading. You can feel the main character's emotions while reading. A novel with a unique system. You can try.

3yr
Yonko_master
Yonko_masterLv2

The book has really great grammar, and the MC of the story is a really great character. I read the first 5 chapters and this story really has potential. Keel up the good work buddy and don't forget to always update frequently!😉

3yr
Related Stories

Re: Evolution Online

On just another normal Monday, a new virtual reality game called "Evolution Online" launched out of nowhere and took the world by storm. People were blown away by the game’s hyper-realistic features and endless adventures. Everyone from small companies to big corporations and governments scrambled to get a foothold on this mysterious video game. But what they didn't know was that this game was actually a tutorial for the upcoming apocalypse that was about to hit the planet! The game was a precursor to the Earth's first evolution, where mana was going to be unleashed into the real world! Liam, a high school student who had faced numerous setbacks in his life, turned to 'Evolution Online' in the hope of changing his fate, but instead, he got trapped in the game's twisted world, and things went from bad to worse. When the apocalypse finally arrived, Liam barely managed to escape, but his situation didn't improve. Along with millions of others, he died a miserable death, unable to fight back and filled with regret. However, Liam's story didn't end there. He found himself inexplicably transported back in time before everything started! Armed with the knowledge of what was to come, Liam was determined to become the strongest and most powerful player, unleashing destruction upon the world that had ruined him before! This time, things were going to be different! ******************* Discord Link for chatting with author and character art https://discord.gg/XS7gWScKn8

Yolohy · Fantasy
4.8
1380 Chs

Inheritor Of Magic: The Magi King

It had been hundreds of years since humanity and their Witch allies had been forced to retreat to the fortress cities after the disastrous war to eliminate the Magi Clans. Nuclear weapons had burned the skies, and Grand Magic pulled entire continents beneath the seas before the end, but the victory was secured, no Magi was left alive in their slowly recovering world. Or so they thought. Wolfe Noxus was born on the lower levels of a fortress city run by the Morgana Coven, raised under the glow of magical lights, with magic and technology entwined in every aspect of his life. But after his eighteenth birthday, when a get rich quick scheme led him to the forbidden ability to use the powers of the Magi, his whole life would change. The forbidden inheritance of the Magi was his. All he had to do was live long enough to embrace it. Find my discord at discord.gg/hxTpqZQtKN

Aoki_Aku · Fantasy
4.6
1162 Chs

Re-Awakening: I Ascend with a Legendary class

Almond Crowshade was the last surviving human in a dying world whose people failed to conquer the Grand Abyss Labyrinth's 30th floor in time. The world was getting destroyed, and Almond was the last one challenging the 30th Floor multiple times despite the imminent destruction of the planet. He ultimately defeated the Floor Boss on his dying breath by achieving a true awakening, acquiring an X-rank Trait that signified limitless potential. Alas, he won but there was no home or future for what he fought. But a mysterious figure arrived there, feeling pity and amusement. "This is too precious and fun of a toy to let it rot here. You shall reincarnate and climb up to make things interesting." [Transfer to another world commencing…] [Your memories will be sealed, and you will reincarnate in another world that has welcomed Grimworld’s tutorial like this one. Clearing each floor of the Grand Abyss Labyrinth will unlock a portion of your memories, until the 10th Floor upon which you will gain your full memories.] ‘I’m giving you a second chance. This time, you must clear the Grimworld’s tutorial and step onto the big game to make things instresting and entertaining.’ [Good luck.]

I_Cook_Limitlessly · Fantasy
4.8
219 Chs

Reincarnated as a Son of the Sword Saint and the Sage

"You are chosen to be reincarnated in this era." A plain 17-year-old high school boy involved in a truck-kun incident met a goddess upon waking up. He was given abilities that he wished for and was reborn as the son of an aristocratic family. He found out that his parents were actually the strongest couple on the continent. But that's not the thing for which he was shocked. He discovered that both his biological parents were actually women?! With his cheat skills, he will live his life as much as he pleases and build a nation in the process. ＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ PLEASE READ THE REVIEWS IF THERE WERE SOMETHING THAT WERE NOT IN YOUR CUP. WARNING: Yuri, Incest, Selfcest I am trying to make this story as unhinged and immoral as I can so... [READ AT YOUR OWN RISK] The story will run at a slow pace. I apologize in advance if the story had slow development. PS: This is my very first work, so there will be mistakes. Please consider my writing skills, if anything. The cover is AI-generated.

Jrmb_Eleven · Fantasy
3.8
502 Chs

Supreme Harem God System

[Supreme Harem God System.] This was the Cheat Nux Leander, the man who transmigrated to a cultivation world, received. In a cultivation world, this cheat system allowed Nux to skip the arduous process that takes years, decades, or even centuries. All Nux needed were his lovely wives. The stronger the wife, the more benefits he receives. “What? You are a 100-year-old Grand Master Stage Cultivator? And you call this Unparalleled Talent? Unparalleled Talent my Ass! I am 18 and I am already a King Stage Cultivator, get better bitch!” As ridiculous as it already was, Nux’s cheat did not end there. Cultivation Talent, Special Physiques, Bloodlines, his System could inherit them all! All he needed to do was seduce strong Women. Accompany Nux in his journey as he promotes himself from a mere mortal, to a boy toy of a Lonely Noble, and then to Emperor of the strongest Empire in the world! All while he gets stronger while spending time with his lovely wives. ... Do check out my other novel, Primordial Vampire God System If you want to read revenge, war, blood, gore, vampires, and, the Return of the Forgotten Blood Empire ... AI-Generated Cover. ... Discord: https://discord.gg/qZHRTHGdZG If the link does not work for some reason, DM me: SleepDeprivedSloth

SleepDeprivedSloth · Fantasy
4.5
1821 Chs

My SSS-Rank Class Is Blood Monarch!

'Divinity Online'. The new breakthrough in the Full-Immersion Virtual Reality technology. After decades of work, Divinity Corp had achieved the impossible. Creating a massive video game world that people can enter and live in as if it were Earth. Their goal was clear, to create a world other than Earth that we can call home. A place where the laws of reality vanish, and the true ceiling of power shifts completely. Naturally, the shockwave Divinity Online created across the entire globe was unlike anything else. Every single person has heard of it, even those who have had no interest in video games before. Giant corporations and even governments immediately rushed to start planning to invest in this new world and just like that, billions of people had their eyes on one single date: the 19th of July. *** Arthur, like everyone else, had heard of the game and was as excited as everyone else to try it, if not even more. With how much he grew bored of his life on earth, this fantasy world was like the divine call he had been searching for. However, there was a very small problem. He had no money to buy the machine required to access Divinity Online. His wretched life had turned him into a broke teenager with no parents, and no relatives. But, by some kind of luck, he got his hands on one of those machines. Not knowing what was awaiting him in that world, Arthur was simply seeking one thing... A new opportunity in life and to find a purpose he could work for when he had none so far. [Welcome to 'Divinity Online'.] [Assimilation Started...]

Frost_Bite8 · Fantasy
4.2
246 Chs
Login