Item: When Cithians Attack
Rating: 4.6
Author: JinnaDennis

JinnaDennisLv13yr

2021-07-08 07:55

As a screenwriter, I read alot. Your story has great bones. But the flow and the context is choppy. I think (JMO) adding detail, working out the story in advance with an outline(if you haven't) will help. I like the concept, and the many different names (great choices btw). writing takes years to get just right. You got this!! Looking forward to more.

When Cithians Attack

WyattJaymes54

Not enough ratings

15 Chs

Liked by 1 people

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RoonmanLv1

I think that this is an okay introduction chapter and that it should be placed in a prologue volume so that people aren't confused. The first chapter doesn't contain any information, idk if it was an accident but yeah just letting you know. There isn't much material to criticize, so I'll try to give you a few pointers. Try to make your dialogue more natural, so that it resonates with the reader more. I thought the way you gave the information about the world was too direct, so maybe rewrite that since you plan to rewrite the novel. Other than, good job and good luck my dude! Keep writing!

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chimychimesLv11

🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩quite nice I must say in my on opinion, needs some touching here and there. I mean, the writing quality. well I don't know much about writing myself. so am trying bh and saying my own opinion. never give up...

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IanthinaLv2

I definitely like the plot and the idea behind the story. I do think the introduction needs a bit work because I feel you could've have added more details to meat of the story. The character descriptions are pretty good. I can see a bit of improvement in your writing style as you story progresses which is really good. I'm waiting for more keep up the good work.[img=recommend]

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Monarch_Of_DeathLv2

Actually, the only thing I found a bit of a problem was, the pace was so fast, he suddenly got found out that he was one of the sent to kill them that memories erased, I don't even know what was happening at that time. Other than that, I saw no more problem, keep writing .

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listen_moonLv1

The intro was somehow too direct. It didn't created confusing but somehow was not hooking up. Errors were only a few that can be ignored while enjoying the story. Plot is nice with a sense of upcoming action scenes. Just add a few twist and turnings to hook up readers. That's all. BTW author had done a great job in grammatical errors and punctuation. Good luck you'll definitely improve .

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NekoScribeLv1

The exposition at the beginning felt a bit too direct and somewhat off. The writing quality is overall fairly good. Concepts and story seem interesting. Overall it seems to have potential.

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leoreview1Lv1

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact leorichard2021*@*outlook.com (please ignore * when sending email). A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

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