Review Detail of Apoqliphoth in Fable Of A Hundred Seasons

So far, 20 chapters in and I can somewhat see the full picture. The author knows where he's going with the story, has clearly established characters with fleshed-out psyche and it shows. The world is given meaningful attention with certain respect to the (Japanese?) setting and I like the level of details. However, the one thing that unfortunately managed to bother me is the writing. The ideas are there, abundant and ready for use, yet they're merged together in incoherent, albeit readable, blocks of texts. A little advice would be some focus on the process of writing itself, especially the punctuation. Shortening sentences while getting rid of incohesive expressions would do wonders for the book. As it stands, it has great potential and I'm looking forward to the author's improvement in the future.