Review Detail of Mel_Aniv in Nightmare of the Artificial Island

I should be honest, this needs rough editings. There is a mix of the present (Is) and past (was) tense in the narrations. Please choose only one from now on. There are also unnecessary spaces in the dialogues. I say the story potential is there. You should edit it and this review will be invalid if you do so. Kudos! I hope I did help.