Review Detail of Slow_down in
Review detail
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first, thank you for your long feedback. so now let me clear your few points. 1- the story will start as you said with transmigration, betrayal, losing someone, and all with mc weak at the start and all. 2. yeah sometimes I wrote long ch. but I am new so mistake happens. will try to cover up them in the future. 3. story will follow the way of normal mc becoming evil through tough situations where he will lose a lot. 4. the first chapter is just small story.. this will happen in future. for first chapter I wanted reader to see the interesting part. 5. well I am not good enough to make some words more interesting will try my best.
I think that the story writing style is pretty well written, although the start didn't really awaken my interest that much. This is pretty good for a first time, however I think that you can do a bit different style of starting the story, so that we get to know the characters and terms better. It would for example be better cool if you could describe the appearance of the three enemies in and described mana with other words. The beginning is pretty well but I think this kind of story would make a bit more sense to be started "in medias Res"(it starts in the middle of the happening), and it would make the story more exciting.
The_TM_Guy:I think that the story writing style is pretty well written, although the start didn't really awaken my interest that much. This is pretty good for a first time, however I think that you can do a bit different style of starting the story, so that we get to know the characters and terms better. It would for example be better cool if you could describe the appearance of the three enemies in and described mana with other words. The beginning is pretty well but I think this kind of story would make a bit more sense to be started "in medias Res"(it starts in the middle of the happening), and it would make the story more exciting.
I think you overdid it in the first chapter itself The story is only interesting when its been cooked for a while involving emotions you should have started when the boy was teleported or transmigrated to the norm sect and then it would have slowly developed with emotions of ....losing like in the description and then the anger towards the world and then the fiery desire to end the world making him evil a good story always starts with a protagonist's point of view Its like you are narrating the story you should try to write short sentences instead Like for example you wrote .......a heavy gust of wind appeared around her as it encircled her shortly befor disappearing with her.....you could have written she disappeared with a heavy gust of wind ...... also you made the plot totally different chapter 1 decides the whole story so now the story should have a protagonist in the opposition who lost his family due to the evil mage and vows to rid the world of evil mage but you wanted to write the pain of the evil mage what happened with him and how he became evil I hope you will take this long review i have written into consideration Dont get me wrong ....your story writing and describing is good but with a few changes in the way you write it will become intresting too