Review Detail of Loyalscum in Rebirth in the 50's

I'm sorry to say this but I believe this story has a load of flaws. The pacing in the story was to fast. One minute mc was complaining the next she's dead. You needd to establish the characters better then that and explain each scene, there looks, emotions, ... etc. The next problem was the scenes were jumbled together it was hard to distinguish were each began. The sentence structure also needs work. I got lost multiple times trying to follow the story. I get what your trying to say and do but the writing quality is so poor that it doesn't matter. I know this is hard to read, but don't take it to heart like i'm after you. Use it as motivation to prove me wrong and fix your book.